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Dreaming

I only dream of high school or people from high school. Rarely college and once in a while my family. Why is that? Why am I haunted by two decades ago?

I believe it is because that is the last time I wasn’t “sick.” I didn’t deal with anxiety. I wasn’t obsessed or compulsive. I had yet to exhibit the signs of bipolar disorder.

It happened later, in retrospect. Walks around college campus all night. thinking about cutting my wrist. Long depressions. When I graduated I cried because I didn’t think I would make it the finish line.

Then it was off to work. I don’t remember much of that, truly. It all runs together. I remember running down a street in heels. I remember drinking. That is when the cutting started. I couldn’t take care of myself so it was back to Oklahoma with my parents.

Next, well next, I went crazy. Who wants to dream about that when you live it every day?

It makes me sad, that I am stuck in four years every night. I want to dream of the future. I want to dream up a cute guy I’d kiss. 🙂 I’d like to dream that my dog will live forever. I’d like to dream of places I want go. So many other things to dream about. I am sick of being stuck.

Dreaming


Elaina J. Martin


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APA Reference
Martin, E. (2017). Dreaming. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 21, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/being-bipolar/2017/09/04/dreaming/

 

Last updated: 5 Sep 2017
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.