My parents live out in the country. I visit them often since I moved back to North Carolina. They are just 25 minutes away. Close enough/Far enough. They asked me to housesit for the week as they went on vacation and take care of all the animals.
This evening as I went out to feed the ducks and collect the eggs, fighting off thunder in the distance, it began to rain – not hard, just a light, mist. And as I stood there waiting for one of the dogs to sniff the yard I felt a sense of peace. When you are mentally ill it is as though your mind is racing and twirling and playing shows and confusing you all at the same time. It is EXHAUSTING!
I often mention stillness and how I crave it, well, this was still. This was raindrops on my bare shoulders. This was a distant, soft rumble.
My head quieted, stopped spinning, rambling. For those moments a took in a few deep breaths and tried to remember how I felt, how still it could be.