Meeting new people is hard for those of us with anxiety disorder. We believe they are going to judge us, that we are not going to live up to whatever fantastical idea we have created in our heads that they will expect of us.
So as I have said, and will forever say, therapy is hard. It is hard for me because I hate being vulnerable. I like being in control. All the time. Of everything. In therapy they take this burning hot rod and poke answers of questions out of you and it hurts. “When did this first start?” “Why do you cope this way?” On and on.
Because my insurance had to change yet again, I found a new therapist. She seems cool. She asked a lot of questions, questions I found hard to answer. I cried. I cried harder. I couldn’t pull myself together. It all led down to one thing – I would never have the life I used to have and that hurts but also I want to find happiness again.
It is okay to cry in therapy, to cry in front of other people. Crying shows emotion. And, heck, it is okay to cry alone in the bathroom. Know it isn’t a weakness and that even people without mental illness cry (just some not during therapy).