Recently I found out that I am a couple of people’s crisis. Hmmm. Do you know how that feels? Like a burden; like I am weight upon others’ shoulders. And yet, I understand. I am often in crisis. Suicide attempts. Major depression. Self-harm. These are all things that are monitored by those that love me.
The worry I cause it makes me feel both sad and guilty – neither of which I should feel because it is a “crisis” I cannot control; an illness I cannot control.
For example, I just called my dad because I had a hallucination. That’s right, a hallucination, and it scared it me (obviously). But why should they have to be on standby? Why should they have to worry about calls about hallucinations or the fact that I have hallucinations at all? Why should they have to worry that it is going to be another call from a hospital because I’ve done something to myself?
I never wanted to be a crisis. I never craved this kind of attention. But it is what it is. I am mentally ill and I have to accept that and be happy that there are people who care enough to catch me during crisis.
Martin, E. (2017). Crisis. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 18, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/being-bipolar/2017/06/22/crisis/