Geez. These next couple of days are always so, hmmm, weird for me. For many years the 2nd and 3rd of October were horribly marked days on the calendar. I was disgusted by myself. I was hurt. I carried an unimaginably heavy guilt. It was – it is – because on the evening on the 2nd of October 2008 I first attempted suicide.
I will not go into specifics of what I did, but I will tell you there were a lot of pills. So many, in fact, that after my roommate found me lying on the kitchen floor that night unconscious and called 9-1-1 and I went to the ER, I ended up in Intensive Care.
That is for people who are really sick. I was really sick.
That choice, to try and kill myself, changed my life forever – where I lived, my career, friendships.
But in the past couple of years I have changed my thinking, because, after all, isn’t it better to find the bright side of things? I realized that October 2nd and 3rd are like a 2nd birthday to celebrate every year because I got a second chance. I got a second life.
So, tomorrow my mom and I are taking a ladies’ trip to Charleston, SC, just because I want to check it out, because I am alive and I can do shit like that. I can move wherever I want. I can fall for whomever I choose. I can meet new people and make new friends. I thank God for this life and for the fact that I didn’t ruin it.
Don’t waste your life, no matter how much darkness is surrounding you, I promise – There comes a Light.