I have a headache pretty much every day for the past 2 months. I know, I know – I have gone on and on about med changes but seriously, since April at least we have been adjusting my meds. I took a little vacation to a psych ward and they thought it would be a good idea to switch everything around. Shucks. Thanks, guys.
July 13 started my last major bipolar mood episode. That being so, we stopped the Prozac. The following week we halved another antidepressant. Then we added Depakote. Then we transferred from one antipsychotic to another. No, I don’t have a mad scientist for a psych doc, it is just that we are trying to tame the beast that is this mental illness.
Anyway, all this nonsense has given me such a bad headache. I believe it is the Depakote, but maybe it is in the new combo. I am just sick of feeling like an ice pick is being rammed into the right side of my head every afternoon.
Isn’t it amazing what we will put up with in order to be “well?” I mean, if I have a migraine-level headache every day, does that really make up for evening out my moods? Yes, I will of course talk to my pdoc, but I moved a week and a half ago and don’t see the new one until the 12th.
So, what does wellness mean? Does it mean that I should put my mental health above my physical? Should I offer up my kidneys in hopes that the gray matter stabilizes? High blood sugar, high cholesterol, nausea, headaches, muscle aches, etc. When is enough enough?
I am NOT telling anyone to go off their meds. I am not telling anyone to change their meds. You NEED to discuss that stuff with a doctor. I am telling you to research side effects; to read the information that comes with your prescription. Know what you are perhaps ‘trading off’ or at least at risk of.
I am definitely not going off my meds (what a mess that would make!), but sometimes I get so tired of taking pills – of needing them to keep me sane enough to want to continue living. Every day I take 14 prescribed pills for my mental health. That doesn’t include meds for hypothyroidism or birth control (both of which also help even out my moods).
Some days I feel like I will never be well. Sure, from time to time I will be stable, but from time to time I will also be manic and sometimes I will be depressed and sometimes I will be a little of both. And all these medications make me feel like a guinea pig, especially after so many years living with mental illness, because I am never completely okay. I know, none of us are, but if you live with mental illness – you know exactly what I mean.