I don’t want to get political. I don’t want to get into the black lives vs. all lives matter business. I just want to say that it affects me. I don’t remember hate like this in the 90’s or the 2000’s. It seems fresh and real and raw and it hurts me.
Here is something I have learned about people with mood disorders, like bipolar disorder – we are very sensitive. We feel deeper. We are hurt more easily. We can’t handle the ‘drama’ that our otherwise affected counterparts can. I am not saying we are flawed. I am saying we, with mood disorders, are different from the general population.
Does that make us better or worse? No. I am simply trying to express that we FEEL things on a level that is much more extreme than the average person. I know this is true because years ago, before I was diagnosed as mentally ill or showed major signs of illness, I wasn’t as emotional as I am now.
I don’t watch the news. If I am at a family member’s house and they want to watch the news, I excuse myself. Why? Because I simply cannot handle the horror that is going on in this world I live in. Does that make me ignorant? Perhaps. But, honestly, I don’t give a shit because I rather be ignorant than feel the pain of all that is going on around me.
I hope this doesn’t come across like I don’t care. I do care. Deeply. Too deeply. So deeply that I have panic attacks and crying jags, etc. I am simply too sensitive for the world I live in.
So, forgive me if I ask you if we can “not talk about it,” – whatever ‘it’ might be. I was made too soft for this hard world. I am a piece of china slowly falling onto a marble floor.
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