It is not that I am physically incapable, but I am not emotionally capable.
My parents are dying for grandchildren to spoil. My older brother has been married for a while. My younger sister is in her early thirties. There are expected to bring life into this world.
I am not.
When my mom started talking about wanting grandchildren I apologized that I couldn’t provide them. I am not mentally healthy enough. She said it was okay and that she knew I couldn’t handle having a child, “There are days you could, but there are a lot of days you couldn’t handle it, Elaina.”
Why does it always hurt more when someone else says it? Why is it that the confirmation jiggles your insides and makes you sad?
I don’t want children. I am too ill to take care of anyone other than myself, and even then, sometimes I can’t do that.
I am not saying that my choice should be yours. I am saying my choice is the right one for me.
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