I’ve always been a bit sensitive. Yeah, sure I let shit roll off my back, but there were times when just a look could crush my soul. I am a recovering perfectionist (and must say, I am doing pretty well) and as such I cared about what people said, thought, saw.
I believe that those of us who are beautifully bipolar are all a bit more sensitive than the “normals” because we feel things more deeply. We know how amazing we can feel when we are sometimes manic or hypomanic. Normal people don’t understand that. We know about darkness, a darkness we don’t want the normals to even know about because we don’t want to hurt them.
We know how to feel.
Dating is hard. It just is. Especially when you are 34, don’t have nor want kids and want the same in a partner. I always tell my mom I am no Spring chicken and she laughs. So, I feel excitement about dating. I feel excited when I find a match on a dating website. I feel joy when he takes me out and treats me like the lady I am. I feel desirable when he kisses me. I love falling in love.
When it doesn’t work out, when I face rejection, I take it hard, again – sensitive. I wonder what I did wrong. I wonder why I wasn’t good enough. And honestly, I wonder if he Googled me and ran for the hills. (There will be another post about telling your partner you have a mental illness. It is time to refresh that topic, if only for myself.) Because not everyone understands mental illness and for some people who don’t, their ignorance is scary.
So, what I am trying to get at, is that it is harder to form relationships when you are sensitive because you question everything that is done or said. Rejection is downright confusing. But please don’t let hurt feelings lock you up in a world where you don’t try anymore. Think of it this way, even though we may take the bad worse than the normals, we get to experience happiness higher.