You should have seen me last Thursday. I was overjoyed. It was like I could feel happiness radiating out of my body. I was talking so fast. I wanted to literally jump up and down in the kitchen. This was hypomania. I called my doctor’s number at 3, knowing he would be out from 5 P.M. Thursday until 10 A.M. Monday. I don’t know how the assistant could have understood my message as I was talking at such a rapid rate. But my doctor apparently didn’t get the message until Monday because that’s when the assistant called me back and then I couldn’t reach her again due to phone malfunctions.
I once asked a psychiatrist what I could do when I get like this, before things get out of hand. He told me (and I am not a doctor and I am not telling you) to take melatonin and benadryl and go to sleep.
But it was a date night! I was making spaghetti for my boyfriend and I. We were going to the movies. This was not a time for sleep!
Anyway, the hypomania/mania continued for a few days. I also couldn’t sleep – staying up ’til 2 in the morning. I felt so alive and good.
Then yesterday, I crashed. That’s the thing about bipolar – one day you can be up, and the next you are buried in the dirt. I have ultra-rapid cycling bipolar disorder. This means my moods can change dramatically in a day. I always forget about the low episodes. I get so happy, so high, that to think I would lie in bed all day, like I did yesterday, is absurd.
I am low. I am depressed. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want to wash my damn hair.
I have found that talking to other people, normal people with normal moods helps. My mom called me today and somehow got me to laugh. I called my 82-year-old grandma for an hour long chat. It gets me outside of me, out of the misery that my life becomes.
So, my beautifully bipolar friends, know that I get it. I honestly do. I always try to stay as positive as possible on this blog, but don’t think I don’t get down to the shitty bottom.
Image courtesy of ponsulak at FreeDigitalPhotos.net