I laid in bed today. Don’t worry I did get up to feed the dog and let her out a couple of times. I got up at 3:30 to eat a tuna fish sandwich and then returned to bed. You see, I am exhausted. I did go to bed later than usual last night, but nothing to warrant a day of sleep or laying in bed.
I am not sad, really. Not suicidal. Depressed – yes – but that is something I have been dealing with. What I mean to say is that today, not unlike any other day, was ordinary.
Sometimes, though, being beautifully bipolar takes away my energy and stamina. I am just plain exhausted. I think this is a part of my illness that people don’t always understand, because why should I be tired? What laborious act have I been involved in? What deadline was I rushing to meet? The reason is because I have an illness and some days are harder than others.
Can you try to remember that? That being mentally ill means you have an illness. And just like having arthritis some days are better than others. You have to remember that try as you might, sometimes this illness will get in the way. Some days it may suck every ounce of motivation from you. Know that that is normal. It comes with being beautifully bipolar.
But also try and remember that there will be absolutely gorgeous days when you walk with head held high, when you have the energy to go shopping with a friend, or to take a jog and enjoy the freshly fallen leaves.
Bipolar disorder is an illness of extremes. The lows are so low sometimes that you spend the day in bed and that is okay. As long as it doesn’t become a long succession of days in bed, you’ll be alright. I’ll be fine and so will you.
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