I feel so heavy. My thoughts are dark. I just want to sleep, to escape. This is Depression, my old bastard of a friend. He makes me yell. He makes me irritated. He makes me throw things. I don’t like him very much, no, strike that, I hate him.
I am trying to use my tools. Right now I am listening to soothing music. I tried breathing exercises. I tried calling friends and family, but no one is available. I told my boyfriend I needed him and was told to “calm down” and “I just walked in the door. Geez.” I ended that short conversation because obviously he was going to be of no help.
I am also feeling a little paranoid. So far the Geodon has kept me from that, but tonight it doesn’t seem to be helping.
I just need someone to tell me it will get better. Tomorrow is a new day, and most likely I will be a different Elaina J – a much brighter, lighter version. But for tonight, it is hard to wait ’til morning.
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