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First You Fly, Then You Fall

redhead in bedI have rapid-cycling bipolar 1 disorder. It is a severe mental illness and I have a severe case of it. It is hard. I often write this blog to give someone out there hope. Today I could use a little.

I am noticing some new symptoms that are a bit troubling. I will discuss them with my psychiatrist just as you should. Even little things should be discussed.

Today is a “bad bipolar day.” I am depressed. I don’t feel like talking. I don’t feel like eating. I don’t feel like getting out of bed. I just lie there, hoping that sleep will come so I can escape my emotions. But it doesn’t and I just feel the abyss sucking me into it.

My last therapist told me that I had to get out of the house every day, so I got up, fluffed my curls, leashed the dog for a ride in the car, and went to McDonald’s (don’t judge, it was the best I could muster). I interacted with two other people.

I can’t say I feel better for having gone out, but I can say I feel like I accomplished something. I ate something. I made my dog happy.

So now is the time where I give myself the advice I give you – it gets better. Tomorrow may be amazing. I may wake up from a wonderful dream, have a good hair day, and see the guy I like. Who knows? Anything is possible.


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First You Fly, Then You Fall

Elaina J. Martin

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APA Reference
Martin, E. (2015). First You Fly, Then You Fall. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 28, 2020, from


Last updated: 1 Oct 2015
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