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Losing Control

losing control flameI’m having a rough day.

I was doing fine until I had a phone conversation with a very negative person who sucked the life out of me. It really got under my skin- the negativity. I try to surround myself with positive (or at least stable) people. I often take on the mood of those around me, so when someone comes along and complains about everything in their life, I absorb that. Ufff.

I called friends and for the conversations I felt a bit better. But then it is back to me.

I’ve been scratching my hand again. I did a little research. 23% of people with OCD have scratching or skin picking problems at some point. Great. Please add that to my list of problems. I’m scarring my left hand. It is ugly and it is to the point that I can’t hide it. I don’t think about the scratching. I do it until I feel the pain/discomfort and then realize I’ve been doing it and need to stop. It’s like blinking; I don’t think about it, it just happens.

I am not in therapy right now. I need therapy. I need Gail, my therapist. She will call me for a few minutes on Wednesday night when she is finished with her clients. She isn’t getting paid to check in on me. She does it because she is an amazing person. I have set up both a therapy and psychiatry appointment in Nashville for the middle of September, but I am not sure I will be there by then.

So, do I find a therapist and psychiatrist here in N. Carolina in the meantime? But why start that therapeutic journey when I am just going to leave in a matter of weeks…But what do I do with all this confusion and all these feelings in the meantime?

I don’t know what would cheer me up. Maybe a move-in date. Maybe a sizable bedroom. Maybe a yard for my dog. Maybe to know where the hell I am going.

I know, I know. I need to be patient, but it’s so hard. I like control and I’ve lost it.


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Losing Control

Elaina J. Martin

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APA Reference
Martin, E. (2015). Losing Control. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 21, 2020, from


Last updated: 17 Aug 2015
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