First of all there was the “top of the head coming off” nonsense. Seen before. Will see again. I really don’t know how to explain it any other way. It’s like you are drunk and happy, or high, (so I am told) and happy. My uncle said if I could figure out a way to bag it up and sell it we’d be rich. It’s like a “natural” high, but it is only because my brain isn’t functioning correctly, how is that natural?
I am under a lot of stress. I have to move out soon. In the intermediate I will be at my parents’ ’til I move to Nashville at the end of August. I don’t know this future roommate from you. I know what I’ve read on my screen.
And as bold as I am here in the virtual world, I am terrified to tell her of my mental illnesses. I know it is A LOT to deal with. But maybe if she reads this blog she will realize that I am stable enough to be a housemate. I am now – he’s just my Ex.
So there’s the break-up, the move-out, the move-somewhere-new where I know no one, the meantime while I bounce around, meanwhile everyone is too busy to answer their phone. Sometimes a chick just needs an ear to listen.
Allow yourself moments of “crazy.” (Not like shoot it up crazy, regular, run of the mill crazy). Sometimes our brain chemistry gets the best of us. I know stress is my trigger and to be completely honest I think this week’s trigger was trying to clean out my side of the nightstand on “my side of our bed.” I am making room for someone else. I am being deleted.
And it hurts. And I don’t know how to deal with the hurt so I internalize it. And the top half of my head comes off.
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