As you know my ex-boyfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago. I didn’t write down the date. It’s all been a blur of endlessly lonely days. When you live with someone for 4 & 1/2 years, you kind of get used to that energy being in your home. Even if he only wants to play video games and cruise on his tablet. He’s there and you’re there and you aren’t alone. You know he loves and will protect you.
All that is gone now.
When we had our break-up conversation (after he had texted me that morning that we should “go our separate ways”), he brought up sex.
“When was the last time we had sex?” he asked. I responded that that wasn’t fair. He knew I had sexual dysfunction and that I was seeing all my doctors to remedy the situation.
You see, at the time I took one antidepressant, two mood stabilizers, one anti-psychotic, and two sedative medications for anxiety…all of which can cause sexual dysfunction. I loved him and, yes, we had sex, but it was infrequent. I rarely was in the mood and when I was, nothing happened down there. So, it wasn’t a priority for me.
I am sure that this is something that drove him away, but I am not ashamed. I take meds that zap my sex drive. There is an alternative – a crazy, manic sex-goddess. But I don’t like her that much.
My internal medicine doctor suggested that I talk to my psychiatrist about Wellbutrin, as she had prescribed it in the past for my “symptoms” to some of her other patients. I talked to him and he agreed to give it a try. But how do you know if you feel “sexy” when you are going through a horrible break-up. Sex is the last thing on your mind.
You just want a hug.
When I move I will find an OB/GYN and see if she has any comments about my birth control, which could also be contributing to the problem.
Sigh. Why does it have to be so hard? Another bipolar conundrum.
Someday I will date again (which I can’t imagine) and I hope by that time I am a sex goddess – minus the mania.
Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net