I had a rough night. I got overwhelmed. I catastrophized – thinking what if this, then that and then that and then what will I do???!!! It is not a healthy way of thinking,but not uncommon for those of us with OCD.
So I did what I would tell you to do if you felt you were in any kind of crisis, I phoned my therapist this morning. Luckily she had an opening today at 3. I had an ophthalmologist appointment at 1:30 and hoped I could make it there in time. (Side note: No changes to my vision and no eye problems. We have a lot in my family. Good news and relief). I was late to therapy but she had told me there was a twenty minute window where she could still see me if late, I made it just under the wire.
The first thing I did upon arriving to her office was to take one of the water bottles she offers her clients and take my anxiety meds. It was that time of the day and I was definitely feeling anxious. Then we took a few big deep breaths together and then I began.
I don’t want to get into my personal shit here (ironic, I know), that is for me and my therapist, but it was the best decision I could have made to phone her and set up an appointment. I noticed a new look on her face today, like maybe she was thinking – “Finally! How she really feels!” I felt a little better afterward. More safe. Less alone with my emotions.
I know we can’t all have impromptu sessions with a therapist, shoot, this is the first time I’ve ever had a same day appointment! But we all have other outlets to vent to – friends, family, partners, or simply writing it out – putting on paper (or screen) all the things you are feeling. You need not make any decisions or have any big “talks.” “When you are strong enough,” she said to me.
This has all been a bit of a ramble, which is how my mind and soul feel today, all twisted around. But my point (!) was, when in crisis or emotional trouble, seek help the best way you can. Feel free to check out one of the many forums here on Psych Central, where you can be as anonymous as you wish and chat with like minded individuals. Or call a friend. Or buy a journal. Just get it out.
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