For the past month I have been on a new antidepressant called Prestiq to help with my anxiety. It seems to be a never-ending battle of keeping the fear at bay. Prestiq is in addition to the antidepressant, Prozac. The only real hard-to-handle side effect I experienced was sweating. Yes. It is winter. Yes. I want to dress appropriately. Yes, I have the air on in the car because I am sweating to death. It was like these crazy hot flashes. I was sporting a tank top in the house for half of December.
But all that is over. I am now cool as a cucumber.
I had the double whammy today – therapy and a psych doc visit. One after the other. Not one of my favorite days. I was talking to my therapist and told her I was having mini manic moments. Three or four times over the past month I have experiences signs of mania. I don’t just want to drive fast, I want to go 100 mph. On Saturday I craved a cigarette. I don’t smoke. Wanting to smoke is an early indicator of mania for me. (And no, I did not buy any cigarettes). I talk a mile-a-minute. I interrupt. I act like the conversation is mine and, quite frankly, there is no room for anyone else in it. I don’t mean to be rude or a chatterbox but there is this effervescence inside me that bubbles up and has to come out. I am happy, deliriously happy – which shouldn’t be a bad thing until it is. The energy is boundless, I hop around. My hands shake. And to be honest, if I didn’t know where all that loveliness got me, I would love mania or hypomania because it is delicious to be the center of the universe.
But I know where mania can take me and I rather not visit.
So, when I told my psychiatrist about my mini mania moments (which last a few hours at a time), he advised me to come off of the Prestiq. He said he has seen this before, mania brought on by this particular antidepressant. He doesn’t want me to have a full-blown manic episode and I wholeheartedly agree. So, no more Prestiq.
It is a strange life to question the moments you feel good, like, really good. Is it just the fact the sun is shining or is it mania coming out to play? I never know. Mania can quickly lead to psychosis for me and there is nothing fun about hallucinations.
I am not dogging Prestiq. Don’t get me wrong. I do believe it helped with my anxiety but the threat of a longer lasting manic episode just isn’t worth it for me.
As always, I urge you to talk to you therapist and psychiatrist about all your signs and symptoms. Six years into this, I know some of my signs. Six years ago, while driving from Oklahoma to a move to California, I didn’t know my sudden desire to buy a pack of American Spirit cigarettes was a sign. I do today.
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