advertisement
Home » Blogs » Being Beautifully Bipolar » This Is What Depression Feels Like

This Is What Depression Feels Like

depressed girlToday I am depressed. It started yesterday – the fatigue, the extreme irritability. I just thought I was crabby, but then I woke up this morning and my old friend, Depression, was lying in bed next to me. I got up and took care of the dogs (as I always do despite my many moods). Then I went back to bed. I woke up around 2. Got out of bed at 3 so I could eat some chicken soup and take one of my antidepressants. Then I went back to bed after sending my boyfriend a text message that I was depressed today and that I felt like a total loser. I like to prepare him for what he is coming home to.

So what is this depression I speak of? It is not sadness. It is hopelessness. Everything becomes hopeless – relationships, cleaning the house, my book ever being published. And it is this enormous weight. It took me an hour from the time I woke up to trudge downstairs to make soup because I needed that much time to muster the strength to move.

There is this elephant sitting on my chest trying to squish me into not breathing.

I’m so tired. Exhausted. Weary.

I don’t want to talk because I am uninterested and also because it’s too hard to move my mouth to speak. My tongue is an anvil.

And I am not cute. No, sir. I look like I’ve come down with the flu. Dark circles under my tired eyes. Blemishes out in all their glory. You can imagine what short curly hair looks like after a night and day tossing around in bed.

In this moment, I don’t want to be me. I don’t want to be beautifully bipolar. I don’t want to feel like gravity has a special effect on me causing movement to feel like running through molasses.

I can imagine nothing that will lift this weight but time. Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up beautiful again.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This Is What Depression Feels Like

Elaina J. Martin


28 comments: View Comments / Leave a Comment

 

 

APA Reference
Martin, E. (2014). This Is What Depression Feels Like. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/being-bipolar/2014/10/20/this-is-what-depression-feels-like/

 

Last updated: 20 Oct 2014
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.