I found myself taking a lot of slow breathes in and out yesterday. You see, that nasty thing I’ve written about before – Bipolar Irritability – reared its ugly head. Everything pissed me off – that is rained so I couldn’t go to the beach, kids kept coming in and out of the house causing the dogs to go crazy each and every time (cue loud barking of two BIG dogs), my boyfriend was yelling at the video game he was playing, five kids playing loudly – none of them mine. It was just TOO much.
So I took myself to Starbucks. Got a latte and a croissant. Put my ear buds in and played Iron & Wine on my iPod. I surfed the ‘net on my tablet and tried to just calm down. I tried to call a friend. Then I tried to call another friend. No one answered. It was one of those days where I wanted to send out an S.O.S. and then would have been irritated with how long it took for someone to save me.
And I felt down and slightly hopeless and like the shine had worn off of my life. It was like I was wearing a dress that was too tight and I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t get it off and no one would help me.
Then in the evening I had a talk with my boyfriend and a chat on the phone with my best friend and the anger subsided. Today is better. Today is quieter and I think that makes a world of difference. I am prone to over-stimulation. Couple that with irritability and I’ve got a total meltdown on my hands.
My point in all this? When you are feeling irritable and angry at the world, do things that relax you. Listen to your favorite music. Go to a favorite, comfortable spot. Talk about your feelings with someone who cares about you. Remember you have an illness and there will be good days and there will be bad days, but that tomorrow can always be better.