I’m having a rough day, dear reader. No, nothing has or has not happened. It is just my old friend depression coming to breathe on my neck. I know for those of you who do not live with a mental illness that includes depression, it may be hard to understand. “What’s the problem?” you might say. Or “I don’t understand why you feel so down.” And that is mental illness in a nutshell. Often times there is no “reason.” But there is, really, it has to do with things like neurotransmitters and bits of the brain, at least that is what doctors think anyway.
But today, for me, it kind of feels like the flu. I am exhausted and have spent most of the day lying in bed. Not sleeping, just lying there. I don’t feel like eating. My head kind of hurts. “Well, maybe you are getting sick,” you say. Maybe. But my money is on plain old depression stopping by to hang out. Yuck.
But, instead of continuing to lie in bed, I got up. I put my contacts in. I caught up on emails. I am writing this post. Later I will chat with my mom. And these things, these little things, may not make me happy, but they make me productive. They distract me from the feelings of worthlessness and ugliness that depression doles out in spades.
Being beautifully bipolar isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. You have to take the good with the bad. And today is just one day. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow can always be better.