3 thoughts on “Prepare for Parenting by Healing Your Childhood Wounds

  • January 14, 2014 at 1:07 am

    This is a very well intentioned article, and I applaud that intent, but as an attachment parent and an abuse survivor, I strongly admonish the writer for the naive, uninformed concept that dysfunctional behaviour patterns, blithely referred to as “wounds” can ever be “healed”.
    Those patterns of dysfunction are like scar tissue, or alcoholism, always there, and they are the default way of coping with life for ALL adult survivors of abuse, no matter how long they have been in therapy or how well they are coping now. Adults IN RECOVERY are not “healed”, as the article implies one can be, but rather have developed alternative coping mechanisms that are healthier, and that they CHOOSE every day, over the patterns that are etched into their subconscious. To imply that these people in recovery are “healed”, or “done” with recovery, is a diminishing of their successes in recovery, and a demoralizing idea to communicate to those who wonder when they are going to start feeling “healed”, “normal”, or “done”. Like alcohol or narcotics addictions, our work is never ‘done’, but continued.
    Our work to be better than we were deserves the recognition that it is a PROCESS, one that we must pursue our entire lives, and never a GOAL, as if a switch were flicked and now we’re “normal”.
    With an estimated 90% of the US population affected by dysfunctional family lifestyles to a greater or lesser degree, this needs to be said.
    If you are in recovery, do not feel disheartened by that article.
    One day at a time, okay?

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  • January 15, 2014 at 1:21 am

    To some extent I agree with the comment above. My family often ask why I’m still harping on about these issues – they don’t understand the psyche. A very good article though on the whole. Thankyou.

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  • February 4, 2014 at 8:24 am

    I took time (many years) between getting married and having children to learn about myself and how I would choose to parent. It still did not work. I still passed on something to my children that caused them to grow up dysfunctional. My oldest is a Narcissist, Middle child has anger management issues and the youngest is bipolar. So even well meaning personal growth and changes is not the complete answer. I am really gravely concerned for my grandson, as his mother is the Narcissist and part of that illness is that she does not even see herself as having a problem. So she will in essence raise her son the way I was raised, in fear that any anction he makes will not be good enough to please her. I was so hoping to break that cycle. Educating myself and trying new skills was not enough I am sad to report. RDM

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