Need treatment? Find help or get online counseling right now!

Archives for May, 2012

Conflict Resolution

Respectful Child Discipline Starts with the Parent

My six-year-old daughter announced today that she had a made a rule and that Daddy wasn’t following it. He was "supposed to" wait inside for her before going outside to play with our other children.

She had just finished her breakfast but wasn’t yet changed out of her pajamas and needed to brush her teeth and comb her hair, morning tasks the other children had already finished. Daddy had told her that she could...
Continue Reading

General

What’s Your Relationship Glue?

Parenting with attachment, whichever label you choose to use (I use Attachment Parenting), comes in all shades. Just because some parents use techniques that you wouldn’t necessarily use doesn’t mean that they aren’t creating a secure parent-child attachment.

The truth is, the majority of parents do at least a little attachment parenting already. They just don’t call it that. Parenting advice, for the most part, is slowly evolving to include more attachment-minded principles.

For example, years...
Continue Reading

General

Attachment Parenting Can’t Be Outgrown

There is a myth that parenting with attachment can be outgrown, that families “graduate” sometime in the toddler or preschool years. This thought usually crosses parents’ minds when their once-sweet baby who was content to be carried and cuddled and cooed at begins to assert herself – and not sweetly.

Parenting with attachment in mind is not limited to the baby or toddler or early childhood years. The goal is secure parent-child attachment, and...
Continue Reading

Attachment in the News

On Time Magazine’s Expose of Attachment Parenting

Sigh. Have you seen the latest Time Magazine’s coverage of the Attachment Parenting Movement? I just about spit out my cereal when I saw the cover.

Having a background in print journalism, I understand a publication’s temptation to sensationalize a story, but even I couldn’t have fathomed such a cover. It's not so much that she's breastfeeding, but the way it's portrayed -- very disrespectful not only to her but all breastfeeding mothers...
Continue Reading

General

Forget Child- or Parent-Centered, Think Family-Centered

There is a lot of discussion about whether different parenting approaches are child-centered or parent-centered, and there is great contention about which is better for both children and parents.

Child-centered, critics say, seriously compromises a parent’s sense of balance and may lead to children feeling entitlement. Parent-centered, critics say, seriously compromises a child’s need for parental attention and attunement.

But is this polarization, this black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking, reality? Should we be debating for which is the...
Continue Reading

Conflict Resolution

Personality Differences Matter

Even with the healthiest attachment bonds, conflict will arise in our relationships. Healthy conflict resolution -- which keeps the attachment bond intact -- is done in a gentle, positive manner that promotes influence, guidance, and teaching rather than control.

Much of the root of conflict resolution resides in our own selves – in dealing with our own unresolved hurts and biases, as well as finding personal balance, so that we can control the urge...
Continue Reading

General

Why Attachment Matters to Me

My almost six-year-old daughter, my oldest of three children, came to my bedroom in the middle of last night to retell her scary dream and seek reassurance.

This may not seem to be that big of a deal to you, but it’s monumental for us and our relationship.

See, I wasn’t always attachment-minded in my parenting. I started off that way, but when my oldest child was about 10 months old, I bent to cultural pressure....
Continue Reading