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Archives for Relationships


Becoming Self-Less

I’m sure you know what selfish means and it’s not considered a particularly lovely trait by most people. But what do I mean when I suggest that you become self-less? Typically, the term selfless refers to people who put other people’s needs before their own. Selfless people typically have very little concern for making money, becoming famous, or obtaining a prestigious position.

But that definition doesn’t quite fit what I mean by self-less (note I...
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What is Social Phobia and Why is it Important?

Social phobia is more than shyness. It involves intense worry about being with people you don’t know, or fear of unfamiliar situations. People with social phobia worry about being judged or evaluated for their actions. And they predict that those judgments will be harsh, negative, and humiliating. They understand that their concerns are greater than warranted, but find themselves overwhelmed with strong feelings of fear. These fears lead to avoidance of people or...
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Therapy: You Get What You Pay For

Last week Chuck wrote a blog about what questions you should consider asking your therapist. He was talking about the importance of feeling mutual trust within the therapeutic relationship. Today, I want to continue a discussion of the therapeutic relationship.
The other day, I was sitting on a curb in Santa Fe waiting for a parade. Beside me were a bunch of little kids. There was a long wait and finally a few firemen...
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Listening: A Lost Art?

Usually, I like to write about issues that are well grounded in data and evidence. That’s not the case with today’s blog. Maybe someone has data that contradicts what I plan to write, but I’m not so sure. I do know that a clever social psychologist could readily conduct research on this topic. So what am I talking about?

Listening. It seems to me that people hardly listen to each...
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Dating, Breaking Up, and Children

Almost a third of children are being brought up by single parents. Lots of those parents date. Concerned single parents worry about how to manage relationships when children are involved. Common questions include:

When do I introduce my child to someone I am dating?

How do I manage an intimate relationship when I have children?

What happens if my relationship ends?

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Raising Healthy Children

Laura and I have worked with lots of children in our clinical psychology practice over the years. Parents worry not only about the problems their kids are having when they come to see us, but also about their children’s long term emotional and physical health. They want to know how they can insure that their kids will be happy, secure, and successful as adults.

Unfortunately, there are no strategies that guarantee such idyllic outcomes. However, there...
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Beginnings: Let There Be Light!

Today is one of my favorite days-- solstice. The beginning of winter or winter solstice means that each day for the next six months is a bit longer than yesterday.

This is very good news for our friends in the northern hemisphere who suffer from seasonal affective disorder. Hope returns, light is coming—light always follows the short dark days of fall.

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Costa Rican Happiness

We just returned from a trip to Costa Rica. We had planned to post a blog while we were away but due to our own technical limitations we were not able to figure out how to do much more than answer a couple of emails. Oh well.  Not being able to post didn’t seem to push us over the edge.

But back to the point. When we travel around the world, we...
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