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Anxiety

Some Days I’m Tired

Some days, I get really very tired.

I get worn down.  I feel a bit defeated.  I sometimes fear not in the abstract sense of the future, but in the very real, "I have to wake up and make something of tomorrow" sense.

I experience happiness.  Maybe more accurately, I experience joy.  I am thankful for my blessings.  I can laugh as easily as I can cry.

But still.

That doesn't always make it easier.  It...


Anxiety

Finding Peace Despite Uncertainty

Life would be easier if we lived in a black-and-white world.  If things either were or were not.  If people were good or bad, and answers were either right or wrong.

But that's not where we are, and that one simple fact has caused me so much confusion.

Because how do we find certainty in a world that is not certain?  And how do we find peace if there is no certainty?  And how do we...


Anxiety

Standing Up to Shame

There is a part of me that feels defective.  This part of me feels like there's this separation between me and the rest of the world.  Like the world can be divided between the good and the bad, and because I generally have an...


General

What We Do with Our Pain

I've been thinking a lot about brokenness lately. About the ways in which we all are broken, both big and small.

And to be honest, it's scary. Terrifying actually.

The way I see it, we are all walking around with wounds. If we are lucky, many of them are scabbed up, perhaps all that is left of some is a scar. But none of us gets off that easily. We all have our bigger emotional injuries. The ones...


Anxiety

Asking for Help is Hard

I used to teach college English before Magoo was born.  Once she was born, I went to teaching one or two night classes for a couple of semesters before it got to be too much, and I took a hiatus.

I remember how things changed after she was born.  Without any real conscious effort on my part, how I related to my students changed.

I was a young teacher at that point in my life, and I always...


Anxiety

Admitting Defeat

At times, things seem so complicated. So many plans and responsibilities. So many reveries and dreams and memories. So much behind and so much ahead.

Sometimes it gets to be too much for me. My brain reaches capacity and it sort of shuts off. That's probably not a good thing.

But sometimes it feels really good.

In times like these, I seek out the lovely things in life.

I like warm blankets and tea. I like yarn, and I like...


General

In Search of Gentleness

I look outside onto the ice covered streets.  I can almost feel the harsh air brushing my cheeks.  I feel my feet slip in the snow, and I seek out gentleness.

I turn on the news and I see hatred and violence.  I hear all the yelling and pick up on almost zero listening.  I see the effects of a broken world screaming forth from my screen, and I long for gentleness.

And I look inside, and I...


Anxiety

Our Scars Don’t Define Us

I have a scar on my chin.  When I was very small, I was jumping on the living couch, and I fell into our wooden coffee table.  My top teeth went through my bottom lip the wrong way, and the scar I have is the reminder of the stitches that patched me back together.

It took my husband two years to notice the scar.  It's hidden, and it's light.  Kids notice it almost immediately, but I would...