Anxiety Can Be Lonely

When you tell people you suffer from anxiety, most people assume you deal with something like generalized anxiety disorder.  And I think oftentimes they would be right.  But the definition of generalized anxiety never quite felt right to me.

All the descriptions of GAD that...


Lost in a Panic Attack

I've read a lot about panic attacks. The racing heart, the fast respiration, the feeling that one might be dying.

When I do have a panic attack, I do get those first two symptoms. In fact, I've been struggling with them for two days now. I don't think my heart rate has been anywhere near normal since yesterday morning, and I've been shaking since then as well.

The physical symptoms suck.

But for me, at...


Today I Broke

And today I broke.

I just walked in my backdoor, closed the bathroom door, got in the shower, and started crying - that big, ugly, guttural cry that is so very unattractive and yet so very necessary at times.

There was nothing wrong.  Not really.  Nothing Earth shattering or life altering.

I'm just tired.

One of the aspects of parenting that gives it some of its beauty is the constancy of it.  There are no breaks.  There are...


Messy Feelings

I've been sad lately.  Quite sad.  A lot of things, honestly, have been making me feel this way, but I haven't had pretty words to dress the ideas up in, and so I've let them slide past.

Unfortunately, ideas and feelings never seem to slide past me too well.  If I don't take them out and dig around in them a bit and get a tiny bit lost in them, they tend to fester.  I can...


Slippery Slope of Anxiety

For pretty much my entire adult life, I remember living in fear.  And my greatest, sharpest, most all encompassing fear was of myself.  I was afraid of touching the world.  Both literally, figuratively, and any and all ways in between.

It started out that I was afraid of making a mistake.  That one was simple enough.  I could protect the world from that.  I was vigilant.  Hyper vigilant.  And I overthought and underacted and...


Parenting in a World of Fear

Early yesterday evening I was thinking about my daughters.  I was talking about how hard it is to figure out how to raise them in our current culture -- a culture that doesn't respect much of anything.  A culture that is floundering, trying to find a balance between freedom and responsibility, between the old and the new.  A culture that is trying to figure out what is as it always should...


To Feel Deeply

Sometimes I hear people talking about feeling things deeply.  In fact, I was just watching a television show where they were just talking about this very issue.

It sounds romantic.  It sounds soulful.  It sounds like something to aspire to.

But honestly, there are many times when I wish I felt things less deeply.

There are times I wish I could just turn down the volume.

Because for me, life feels like one, big, very loud emotion screaming in...