When we are angry, we are very vulnerable to being manipulated. Our logical thought processes have been swept away by a tide of emotional reactions and counter reactions. We are, in this state, very likely to do exactly what our sparring partners expect us to do. They do not expect us to do anything reasonable or constructive. They expect us to be as immature and vindictive as they are. “That’s fair.” We self sabotage our happiness when we play this game of tug-o-war and become defensive. We take their absurd insults personally, where the exchange sounds something like this: “You’re a failure.” “No I’m not.” “Yes you are.” “You take that back.”
There is an epidemic of “burnout” in this country. We are all overworked and overstressed. We suffer from “time poverty.” And yet, there are individuals who seem able to withstand the stresses and strains that are burning out the rest of us. What is the nature of their immunity? What are they doing that we aren’t doing? How can we get in on it?
Do you remember the old live action Incredible Hulk TV show with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno? Dr. Bruce Banner was a mild mannered fella, going from town to town doing good. Then he’d cross paths with someone who would antagonize and assault him. We all know what happened when he got angry. His face turned beet red, his eyes pop out, the vein in his forehead starts throbbing, he stutters and sputters. Then he transforms into the green monster known as the Incredible Hulk. His anger, like all humans, manifests itself physically and our anger affects our body more than we realize.
The greatest pain does not come from the precipitating event, it comes from what we bring to the betrayal, the loss, the violation. We have taken this betrayal personally. We don’t know why we shouldn’t: “It happened to me, didn’t it?” We don’t know how else to take it. We have taken it as if it were a reflection on our worth as a person. We have been made to feel worthless, stupid, insecure, unlovable, inadequate to cope with life. These are all components of the self-contempt that has rushed in and crowded out the smidgeon of self-respect we used to have. We cannot respect a person who “allows” such a thing to happen, who has “failed” to see it coming in advance, and who has obviously failed to keep it from happening!
What is anger? Anger is an emotional response to antagonism in the past present or future, which may be real or imagined. Anger is painful and we need to get relief. When something happens in the present it reminds you of unfinished business in the past and compounds it
Anger management counseling consists of techniques, psychological and therapeutic, utilized to relieve stress caused by anger. The often simple process has proven effective helping people recognize triggers and control their emotions. Everyone is angry at times – it is a normal emotion we all experience; however, for many, their reactions go too far, harming others and leading to negative consequences. Counseling identifies situations likely to bring on such responses (they are different for each of us), and demonstrates alternative methods to avoid the damage caused by losing one’s temper.