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Judgmental: Blame and Accusations

Why is it important to explore our regrets and mistakes?


By acknowledging our regrets and mistakes, we can come to accept that we are unconditionally worthwhile and lovable in spite of them. Our regrets and mistakes do not make us a less lovable person. We are always going to be good enough.

Our views on right or wrong are really a matter of taste. We can’t argue taste. Is red a better color then blue? Is steak better then chicken? We all have preferences. Of course we would all prefer to avoid making mistakes and having regrets, but they are an opportunity to learn. We don’t really know what is best and have idea on how things “ought or should” be. We cannot know for certain that things would have been better if we hadn’t made an error. By acknowledging our mistakes and regrets we are able to gain awareness of our human imperfections.

It is important to find self acceptance and stop taking others opinions personally. We cannot take someone’s opinion personally, because the truth is that all humans are dealing with their own feelings, beliefs and opinions. Their judgment is not superior, they are only expressing an opinion.

Opinions change, sometimes from minute to minute, day to day. Or perhaps that person’s remark is a actually expressed for themselves, not for us. They are only human and don’t know any better then us. Their judgment about the objective nature of life is not right, it’s just their opinion at this moment.

When we take things personally, we feel offended and disrespected. Our reaction is either to defend ourself or submit passively. Either way we take someone’s criticism and view it as a literal, personal and serious threat. In turn, we want to correct the perpetrators and prove them wrong. We want to maintain our innocence and try with all of our might to defend our views, which only serves to heighten the conflict. In turn, we make something big out of some behavior that is so little.

Below are some steps we can take to stop taking others’ choices and acts personally:

– Remember it’s not about you, it’s about them. Heal your wounds. Remind yourself that you do many things well, that you are an imperfect human and allowed to make mistakes. You will never be superior or inferior, you will always be an equal member of humanity. This internal talk can help take some of the misery out of the experience.

– Don’t let others get to you. Refuse to get overly responsive to the negative feelings and provocations of others.

– Don’t be self-focused. If you do focus on yourself, you’ll likely dwell on your shortcomings. Instead, think about your goals and what steps you need to get there.

– Stop the negative self-talk. Counter self-defeating self-talk with truth talk: “You can be your own worst enemy, so give yourself a break.

– Don’t worry about looking stupid. If you are asked a question and you don’t know the answer, you can simply say, “I need to think about that and get back to you later.”

– Learn to be patient. Don’t be impulsive or react to a situation without giving yourself time to cool off. Try simple deep breathing or declare time out.

– Don’t be quick to blame. Recognize that other people have their ups and downs.

– Think about others. Enter social interactions with this thought of making the experience itself enjoyable. Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more comfortable?”

Judgmental: Blame and Accusations

Aaron Karmin


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APA Reference
Karmin, A. (2018). Judgmental: Blame and Accusations. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/anger/2018/01/judgmental-blame-and-accusations/

 

Last updated: 30 Jan 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Jan 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.