These are some of the characteristics of a passive aggressive individual:
He/she doesn’t give you what you want.
He/she gives you what, when you don’t need it! Then he/she expects you to appreciate his/her consideration.
It makes him/her angry when you aren’t sufficiently grateful!
Nothing is ever his/her fault.
Even when it is his/her fault, it’s your fault first!
He/she is exempt from having to do anything he/she doesn’t want to do.
He/she feels entitled to do what he/she wants.That should be justification enough.
He/she “forgets” a lot, and it’s your fault for not reminding him/her, “You should have known I’d forget!”
He/she makes excuses for not doing what he/she never had any intention of doing in the first place.
He/she makes promises that he/she has no intention of keeping.
He/she does shameful things without feeling ashamed.
He/she uses your fears against you.
He/she accuses you of doing what he/she does.
He/she does not see how he/she contributes to your distress, or his/her own.
He/she wears you down until you give in just to end the argument.
He/she takes advantage of your vulnerabilities.
You try to make him/her understand what he/she is doing to you, but he/she doesn’t get it. (If he /she did, he/she would have to change.)
Not only doesn’t he/she get it, but it is your fault that he/she doesn’t! Your explanation wasn’t “good enough” for him/her. The failure is yours, not his/her.
He/she uses sarcasm and then says, “Can’t you take a joke?” (
He/she breaks your heart and makes you miserable, but he/she is the victim of your “rotten moods.”
He/she does not learn from experience. He/she makes the same mistake over and over.
He/she knows what you expect and he/she defeats you by not doing it: “I forgot.”
He/she sets you up to trust him/her. (“Trust me on this, honey.”) and then betrays your trust.
He/she punishes you passively by not doing, forgetting, delaying, overdoing, rationalizing, exaggerating and so on. These punishments leave no visible scars.