Fault Finding: Who is to Blame?

The antidote to an excessive tendency to blame ourselves is to realize that:

The issue is not guilt, fault or blame; the issue is human imperfection.

We are still worthwhile human beings in spite of what happened.

It was not a crime and we are not guilty. A more appropriate emotion would be regret, which is the wish that things were other than they are.

If there are appropriate consequences of our imperfect behavior we are prepared to accept them. Inappropriate consequences are not acceptable, they make things worse for everyone.


Stop Blaming and Criticizing Yourself

Sheila was suffering from exhaustion. She was overworked at home and at her job. She knew that she was taking too much upon herself, but she could not help it. She had always been this way, super-responsible and unable to trust others – feeling compelled to do it all herself.

She had finally reached her limits; and could not push herself anymore. She knew that going away for a rest would not solve anything. She would only start the whole thing over again when she got back.  She came for counseling to find out how she got this way, and to relieve her anger at the world for doing this to her.


9 Ways We Waste Time

Why do we feel rushed all the time? There is so much to do and never enough time to do it. How can we get more time to do what needs to be done and still be able to relax? The difficulty is not just the lack of time, it is that we do not use the time we have effectively. We keep getting in our own way, and that slows us down. We aren’t even aware that we are doing it.


Controlled by Guilt

Barb had been trying for years to improve her relationship with her mother, Sandra. Barb tried everything. She would go over there for a quiet dinner with Sandra and then find herself being criticized for neglecting her husband and son. Barb tried staying away. She caught hell for that too. Her mom would lash out: “You don’t care about me. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”


8 Mistakes to Avoid When Arguing

Many people who have to live or work with the chronically angry  feel unprepared to cope with their titanic temper tantrums. When we don't know what to do when faced with anger, we have an unfortunate tendency to make up our own interventions. This DIY approach  to cope with someone's monumental rage is usually counter-productive and ineffective.  They only prolong the pain and magnify its destructive consequences.  We are pouring salt in his wound. Here are some common mistakes: