10 thoughts on “Dear Robin Williams

  • August 14, 2014 at 4:58 pm

    Powerful and poignant article, God Bless you for writing this and I wish more people had your understanding of this terrible disease of Depression.

    Reply
  • August 15, 2014 at 1:29 am

    Depression and anxiety are just awful..from experience. It is highly possible he had considered it many times before in his life and managed to stay instead. Til now.

    Reply
  • August 16, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    The death of Robin Williams has severely impacted me. I keep asking myself: what is the world going to do without him?! I have cried a lot over him. He has given us the therapy of joy and laughter, things that are hard to come by for us with depression. I wish this tragedy brought upon us the biggest mental health awareness campaign so our illness could finally be recognized and no longer be in silent mode.

    With that said, I apologize in advance for concentrating this comment on myself. Due to my depressive state at the moment, I don’t have the energy to read anyone’s comments and just need to tell someone who may understand about depression.

    Here I am again down in the dumps on my day off. I have conquered my weight gain problem by cutting off refined sugars completely. Just by doing that, I have lost 20 pounds within a year. Although I am now within a healthy weight and have acquired a healthy eating habit, I still have not been able to become physically active. If I could only get enough energy and motivation to start an exercise routine and stick to it, I’m almost sure It would take away all the physical pain and stiffness from inactivity.

    I’m 47 and have been battling a treatment resistant depression and anxiety since 15. My condition went untreated until I was 24, by then, I had already had 2 of my 3 children. Raising my children, a full time job, going to school, and a husband who didn’t/didn’t want to understand about my condition, and no support from family members, I had to suffer silently. At times, while driving over a bridge, this demon inside me suggested I took my hands off the steering wheel and let my car crash down; but then, I would start to cry while picturing my children crying and going thru without a mother. My children are the only reason I’m alive today.

    Yesterday morning, while having a bout of energy before going to work, I felt like I could conquer everything that comes my way. I did things fast, listened to music and danced, texted back and forth with my kids, etc. Once at work by the afternoon, like almost always, this monster inside me starts wanting to take over and my fight begins all over: feeling retarded, loosing focus and concentration, feeling useless and agitated, etc. It’s not easy to wear the “happy, productive, focused, etc., mask”

    Today is one of my worst days, it has taken me about 3 hours to type this comment; someone who usually types at least 50wpm. I feel like a complete vegetable; staring at the screen as in a trance, my mind blank, etc.

    During a depressive episode, I isolate myself completely from the outside world: I don’t shower, brush my teeth, comb my hair. I don’t call anyone. I have a severed social phobia: I don’t even go outside to get my mail because someone might see me. I have an inability to make friends (I only have acquaintances) even though I’m sweet, kind, compassionate, friendly, etc. For some reason, I fear getting close to people.

    I have been taking medication for many years; unfortunately, only a couple have actually helped. Two years ago, my doctor put me on a newly released drug along with a mood stabilizer. This combination has worked like a miracle, and, for two years my episodes have been reduced drastically; Until recently that is. My depression and anxiety bouts have become more regular.

    I get very frustrated and sad at the fact that there’s lack of awareness about this illness. People don’t want to hear you’re depressed; they either look at you not saying anything, or, they ask “the question”: Why are you depressed?! I was labeled “lazy” by my parents. Every time I feel like this, I feel totally alone. I wish I could call or tell someone who would help me by holding my hand and taking me for a walk, and do this on a regular basis; perhaps, this would get me started on my way to an exercise routine.

    Reply
    • August 18, 2014 at 6:59 pm

      Hi Karen,
      I’m crying as I read your post. Thank you for spelling it out so “elequently” .Sounds like me to a T. I’m 57,my 22 yr old son left home 2 weeks ago and he will not answer my calls…I’m crashing fast.I have NO one…Wish I had someone to walk with.Robin Willams death has greatly effected me also…What were you put on that worked for you a couple years ago ? If you would’nt mind letting me know? If you feel like talking on the phone, I’d be happy to be your phone friend…I doubt were from the same area…You can e-mail me directly if you wish. My e-mail address is [email protected]. Hope I here from you and thanks again for taking the time to really spell depression out as you did. Cindy

      Reply
    • November 6, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      While I don’t suffer from bi-polar, I do, depression. I cannot imagine such a wonderful, family person feeling so alone that he had to do the unthinkable for many.
      After long thought about this, I realized that Robin did this well and long after his children had grown up and he knew his wife would be okay. Not that he won’t be missed, but it was a suffering he couldn’t endure anymore.

      May your soul rest in peace, Robin. Your legacy will live on.
      kkaattee

      Reply
  • August 16, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    @ Karen W.

    I hear you. Same place at the moment, for the most part.
    Not enough energy to type much more. But was able to read most of what you posted – and have to say that I’m sorry that you too are feeling this way.

    I am very upset at Robin William’s passing as well.

    Reply
    • August 17, 2014 at 1:20 am

      Hello to both of you as well…maybe we are the just functioning depressed people so nobody really knows. Except if you only let your GP really know like me. Am also so very tired of fighting the negstive voices in my head and knowing I should do exercise etc. Just usually feel too depressed to do anything other than the essentials. And of course manage to cheer up around other people for short periods. Have also failed to get past panic anxiety and depression despite many psych interventions. So that adds to the feeling of being a total failure. And yes, also think of driving off the road and into the river but can’t because of children.

      Reply
  • August 20, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    Thank you so much for your article. I relate and I agree.

    Reply
  • August 21, 2014 at 3:25 am

    I can also relate. Firstly it feels asif family and friends who should care about me, don’t even bother to ask how I am doing and coping. Then I do the same to other people too. I feel it could have been prevented. We should all take care of our friends and family. Some days are just too much!!
    RIP Robin Williams. What a loss. xoxo

    Reply
  • August 22, 2014 at 4:56 pm

    The death of Robin Williams has affected me as well. He gave many people the joy of laughter and tears, which will never be forgotten. I am a recovering alcoholic myself though I never met Robin I could totally relate to his comment about feeling alone and fearful. I’m going through a hard time and one thing AA instilled in me was without a belief in a higher power which I call God I will drink again. That is really fearful and with that comes the horrible lonliness. I didn’t personally know Robin but Know how much pain he was in. There is still a stigma around being alcoholic and a depressive however I know one thing we all have and that is the gift of understanding and compassion for each other. Being labeled is something I have accepted, I would rather be understanding of those in pain and having the desire to be there for them than worry about what the rest of this crazy world thinks. The pain Robin was in can only be understood by those who have been there themselves and I am one of them. He gave the was a true blessing to many.

    Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *