robinwilliams

Oh, Robin Williams. If you could see the enormity of your loss, I wonder if you would still be with us.
I wish you could see how much you were loved and how many people are devastated by your loss.

Some have labeled your suicide “selfish” but that is a purely empty, ignorant viewpoint. I won’t give those people any attention in this blog. Yes, you made the decision to end your life in the most technical sense, but the notion that you just dismissed your family and friends and decided they weren’t worth living for goes against everything I’ve read about you. I’ve been suicidal, Robin, and I understand your pain. My readers, I pray, understand your death and the fact that severe depression strips you of all logic and reason and blinds you to the many reasons you should stay alive.

No one wakes up and says, “I’m going to kill myself today, just because. I don’t feel like dealing anymore. To heck with everyone I love.”

If you don’t have depression, most problems are conquerable. I long to be one of those people. When the darkness descends, your brain – your illness – tells you there is no hope. Sometimes, the whisper of death in your ear turns into a scream and you think that, surely, if you are this miserable, you must be making everyone else in the world miserable, too.

Maybe that is the part that so many people don’t understand – that depression tells you that the world would be better off without you.

Maybe one of the things so many Christians don’t understand is that not every believer who commits suicide does so because they have given up on God. Rather, they feel that they have failed Him and are useless to Him. Of course it’s incorrect, but tell that to a malfunctioning brain. I don’t know where you stood with God, Robin, but I believe that His grace runs deeper than the grave.

I wish you’d had hope. I wish you could have drown out that scream. I wish you were here to make us laugh, cry and marvel at your brilliance.

And I’m so, so sorry that it took the loss of one of the most brilliant comics who ever lived to make people realize that no one – NO ONE – is immune. I pray we do a better job of raising awareness and reaching out to those around us who are sick (and we all know somebody) and that it doesn’t take another tragedy to bring us to our knees and elevate our understanding of the deadly disease that is depression.

I know you weren’t selfish, Robin Williams. You were just sick.