As I write this, I’m totally exhausted. I’m fighting the good fight but I want to take a week-long nap. See, I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I think if you’re going to write about the Christian walk and coping with emotional problems, you should follow through in your own life. I get fed up with people who give advice that they don’t follow, and I don’t want to be one of them. Mental illness isn’t my only problem – I’m also diabetic and, you know, I just don’t want die before I turn 40 or live the rest of my life without both legs if I have any say in it, so I’m exercising, eating right, trying to lose weight, and get semi-regular sleep. (REGULAR sleep? Let’s not overshoot our goals!)
It’s not that I just don’t want to be a hypocrite, either. I also feel terrible. Like crap, actually. I’m tired of feeling like crap! I should have arrived at this conclusion many moons ago, but I’m stubborn. I don’t enjoy exercise and I love food. (If you want proof, you can check out my Youtube video.) It’s strange – I’ve never been in denial about my bipolar disorder, but I’ve been in denial about my diabetes for a long time, even as I shot insulin into my belly.
When my sugar is high, I don’t usually feel it. I know that my general “crap” feeling comes from that, but it’s not like I am suddenly overcome with agonizing pain or black out when my sugar goes up. But when it goes down, boy, I feel it. I have had a hypoglycemia attack the past two days in a row. I feel tingly; then my heart starts to race; then I feel like I’m so hungry I could eat the cat, the living room furniture, the TV, AND everything in the fridge; and then I start to sweat. It’s so gross. The sweat pours out of my body and I look like I just took a shower with my clothes on. After I’ve eaten everything that’s not nailed down, I collapse and sleep. That’s what I did this afternoon.
I had a topic all picked out for today, but I sat down and tried to make sense of the accompanying article and I couldn’t do it. This must be what it’s like to have someone sit on your brain. I’m too tired and frustrated to say anything valuable to you today, I’m sorry. I would so appreciate your prayers. Hopefully I’ll be able to pull it together tomorrow!
Blood sugar measurement photo available from Shutterstock