Love may seem magical, whimsical, steered by the forces of fate, timing and chemistry…but, in fact, love thrives when people behave well towards one another and withers when they treat one another badly. (Duh!!)
There’s quite a bit of good research out there on love, and by all means you should begin with the work of John and Julie Gottman, who have literally boiled marriage down to a science. (Worth mentioning: Most of the Gottman’s observations apply to all relationships: parent-child, friend-friend, etc, not just couples.)
The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse is the Gottman’s name for the four tell-tale behaviors in a doomed marriage. This video is informative and also oh so funny!
Masters of Love (a very good article about the Gottmans’ work)
My favorite relationship books are:
The Relationship Cure, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, The Science of Trust, all by John Gottman
After the Honeymoon, by Daniel B. Wile
Not “Just Friends”, by Shirley Glass
Should You Leave?, by Peter Kramer
And here’s a wonderful website about How to Validate Other People’s Feelings, including excerpts from the Gottmans, Haim Ginott and more.