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Adoptee

My story: Kevin Engle

As some will notice, I took time away from writing about adoption. The reasons are varied, and I will share them slowly over next few weeks. Today, however, I have something a little different for you.

One of the joys of stablishing this blog is...
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Adoptee

Hetti and The Microwave


When I was little, I used to have nightmares about crocodiles and snakes attacking me, usually whilst submerged underwater in some swampy fetid bog. The snake would squeeze me to death amongst the tangled weeds and the crocodile would snap me clean in half. I’d cry out, as little children are inclined to do but I never felt reassured afterwards. I believed wholeheartedly that croc and his cohorts were hiding out beneath my bed waiting to...
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Adoptee

My Mother is A Ghost


I wanted to do something different today and share some writing based around fantasy. The great Betty Jean Lifton coined the term 'ghost kingdom' to describe the complex ghosts that reside in adoption. They exist for natural families, adoptees and adopted parents.
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Adoptee

When Adoptees Have Children

For adoptees, having our own children can raise a plethora of emotions, all of which can be difficult to navigate. Giving birth is such a primitive, visceral and life-changing experience, it will understandably make us think back to our own beginnings and of our birth families, primarily our mother. It's not just an issue for women: men who are adopted can and will struggle, too, their own children raising uncomfortable feelings about their...
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Adoptee

Adoption and Trying To Find Yourself



My adoption had never been a secret, but neither was it a spoken truth.

I hid in plain sight as an adoptee, but my family blurred the view with their own projections. We simply didn't talk about it, mostly because to do so made them unravel; adoption being their Achilles heel: the one bruising weakness no amount of pretence could fix.
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Adoptee

Adoptees And Identity.

 As adoptees we face many struggles, but one obvious problem emerges around identity and our own understanding of self. Who are we if all markers to explain who we are have been removed? What if the people we are raised by don't look like us: don't have our mannerisms, don't share our personalities or traits, are not interested in our hobbies and interests? The complexity of the adoptee experience is already challenging but when...
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Adoptee

Loss & Adoption


'Nan went missing on a Tuesday in 1985. I didn't know she was lost until an uncle called my mother to report the event. The phone was in the hall on a white shelf. Each time the phone rang, mother would come running out of the kitchen looking very important, a stripy tea towel flapping in the air. I think someone telephoning her made her feel wanted, needed, indispensable, kept...
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Adoptee

10 Things Not To Say To An Adoptee

I thought today I would look at some of the things my adopted parents said to me that I struggled with, things I often disliked, or things that upset me or made me uncomfortable. Of course, everyone is different, so you may have not struggled with some of these examples, as I did, or there may be entirely different issues which presented problems for you. Adopted parents often do their best but like...
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