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With All Due Respect, A Collegial Rebuttal (Conclusion)

In my previous blog post, I contrasted two posts by my esteemed colleagues, fellow ADHD bloggers Bryan Hutchinson and Jeff Siegel.

I’d like to continue with my personal analysis of the discussion from the point of view of a woman with ADHD (and possibly a slutty one, at that. You’ll have to wait to find that one out).

About success

I think you verge on my point Jeff, when you hold your spouse and other women (such as Jane Goodall) up as role models of success that your daughters could emulate.

But why do we have to have a one-size-fits-all definition of “success”?

6 Comments to
With All Due Respect, A Collegial Rebuttal (Conclusion)

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  1. This conversation seems to be fueled by self-righteous indignation which according to David Brin may be it’s own mental disorder.

    I am certainly being somewhat hypocritical here (aren’t we all?) but I would suggest that everyone has a self-justified point of view that when challenged we sometimes elevate to a level of hysteria (admittedly charged term).

    Feels good, doesn’t it?

    I love to argue with people over things like politics, religion and all of those things that (we are not suppose to talk about) get my endorphins flowing. I love to yell and scream at my debate opponents. When the debate ends we are still friends because I understand that it is a mental game. These debates should not cause emotional distress in the participants if they all understand that as Thomas Sowell has said “There are no solutions. Only trade-offs.”

    With an open-mind and an understanding that we all have the same end-goal (helping others, and ourselves cope with ADHD) we are arguing methods for which none of us have a perfect solution.

    Each of us comes at problems with our own history, experience, knowledge, predilections, biases and peer pressures. Over time we discover we made mistakes and attempt to correct them. That’s all we can do with the short time we have floating on this tiny rock is space.

    My mom, or somebody’s mom, used to say it’s all fun and games until someone puts an eye out. I’ve certainly been guilty of that. (Usually bystanders to my “heated discussions” like spouses, kids, guests at thanksgiving.) While the participants are having fun on our adrenalin high. (I’m not a brain chemist, excuse me if I get them wrong.)

    It appears this back and forth between Jeff and Brian has gotten to the point that eyes are getting poked and bent out of shape.

    Even Zoe has gotten her hackles up over this woman/girl thing (I don’t get it myself but I am just a dumb man that out of love for my wife and daughter call them, as a group, women or girls or ladies.) And the “slut” word that is a description that IMHO is as stated an ill-defined description that has been politicized lately.

    All of this offense taken by PC words are distractions (of which we can all agree we have too many) that cripples our ability to live our life as we really want.

    I suppose if we know pushing buttons will get someone upset than doing so is a form of assault. But we all do it in a joking sometimes sarcastic way. It will also be done to us.

    I learned a long time ago that I can’t control someone else’s behavior directly (children excepted) but have to adjust my own to get someone else to change theirs.

    Here is a good opportunity to change our own behaviors (I know it’s hard) if we wish to live in a civil society.

    Thanks for the discussion.


    • “Even Zoë has gotten her hackles up over this woman/girl thing …”


      “Self-righteous indignation” is definitely one of my achille’s heels. I usually try not to act on it, but (obviously) don’t always succeed. I wouldn’t agree, though, that it “feels good” to act from this emotional place (which I think is grounded in fear and for me, a feeling of vulnerability, which I’m rarely comfortable with).

      It’s too bad I didn’t wrestle the “PC” part out of my posts, which I agree just muddles things. Usually I am the one railing against political correctness. *sigh*

      lol I thought about taking that out, did, then put it back. Darn. I wish I’d left it out, so I guess we’re both a bit hypocritical. Truth be told, at 53 years old, sometimes I love being called a “girl” too.

      Leaving the “girls” part in does dilute my main and I think more important points. And I’m sure you’re right: I was in the throes of “self-righteous indignation.” Yick. One tries, one sometimes fails. Your comment will definitely help me get back up, dust myself off, and carry on. Thank you!

      And thanks for your excellent analysis of both my hissy fit and this sequence of “duelling blog posts”!


  2. I appreciate that you addressed the inequities spewed even in this day of enlightenment. I suppose it’s not surprise that the gender disparities that occur across all of society are also in the micro-society of ADD opinions, but it is disappointing that people who are aware enough to contribute to informing us about ADD still contribute to the perpetuation of such nonsense.

    • Thanks for taking the time to read my post and to voice your opinions, Shelley.

      Take care,

  3. Hey Zoe. I was ready to cheer you, but after reading the post in question I don’t get it about Bryan, he’s clearly supporting “girls”. As a 54 year old “girl” I love to be called a girl and my mother always told me if I am too stuck up to be a “girl” then I wasn’t worth my salt. She was a good “girl” all the way to her 86th birthday! Bryan didn’t appear to be using the term “girl” in a derogatory context. So your point is lost on this “girl”. From your description I was led to believe Bryan was putting girls down. I could not tell from anything you wrote that he was voicing support for them. Good for him. More men (and women) should.

    As far as Jeff, his post was too disgusting. You got that part right. I could not finish reading it. Did I miss something because I don’t remember Bryan ever mentioning that guy?

    I support Bryan’s support for these “girls”.

    You can do better, Zoe. You took a potshot and missed. And against someone who I have never seen write a negative word about anyone. I’m surprised psychcentral allowed you to post that nonsense.


    • Thank you for your comment, Martha.


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