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ADHD Fog: A Confession

Fog 'n' Tree - Explored! Hamish Irvine via Compfight

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was…”

I’m not Catholic, but that whole confession thing speaks to me right now. Let’s try it like this:

Forgive me, Dear Readers, for I have sinned neglected my blog. My last confession post was two months, three weeks, and two days ago and these are my sins issues:

  • I’ve been binge-watching Coronation Street and reading novels until the wee hours of the morning
  • I’ve caved to my Facebook addiction until I was so sick of cats knocking stuff off shelves I wanted to kill somebody
  • I’ve stopped meditating, playing bass, and doing yoga
  • I haven’t followed through on a zillion ideas and have forgotten what most of them were
  • I completely forgot my mission-critical goals and projects
  • I’ve become depressed and despondent

I am truly sorry I lost myself in a black hole. I have no idea where I’ve been.

There is no Priest to forgive me. No ADHD coach to absolve me of my descent into ADHD hell. I had to rescue myself. And here’s what I discovered:

  • I didn’t meditate, do yoga, or practice bass because I had no privacy
  • Without daily privacy I’m an irritable, nervous, crazy person who sits in her room eating chips and watching British soaps
  • I need to fill my emotional and spiritual well on a regular basis or I’ll fall into an empty well
  • Being unproductive, for me, is depressing, disorienting, and self-esteem crushing

When I finally realized that I hadn’t been doing the things I needed to do to manage my ADHD and mood, I made changes. My boarder (who was home 24/7) moved out and I regained my privacy.

This helped.

But the truth is, my entire last year is mostly a blur (my loyal readers will recall that I went off my ADHD medication back in March 2014).

I was shocked when I realized I’d been off my medication for over a year. Hadn’t it been only a few months?

A trip to my family doctor and the decision was made.

In May, I went back on my medication. Instantly, it felt like a fog had lifted.

When I told my ADHD friend that I’d felt like I’d spent the past year in a fog, he said, “That sounds awful.”

I don’t see it that way. Losing the first 47 years, now that was awful. But so much has changed for the positive.

Off meds, I discovered that I’d learned a lot since my late-in-life diagnosis at 47. I was no longer as verbally impulsive; my friendships and part-time work remained stable. But moving my main life and work goals forward had been a Sisyphean task.

Still, even three weeks back on my meds, I’m dragging my butt. I’ve started to become more productive again, but I’m still exhausted. Today I learned the possible reason: a wonky thyroid. Perhaps it’s not just the ADHD that’s been holding me back over the past year.

Imagine that.

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ADHD Fog: A Confession

Zoë Kessler, BA, B.Ed.

Zoë Kessler is an award-winning author, journalist, and speaker specializing in women and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD / ADD).

A frequent contributor to ADDitude Magazine, Kessler has also created video, standup comedy, and guest blogs on ADHD and Marriage covering ADHD-related topics.

Zoë, an internationally recognized ADHD expert, has been interviewed on radio and featured in magazine articles, documentaries, and books on the topic of women and ADHD across North America.

Her newly-released memoir ADHD According to Zoë - The Real Deal on relationships, Finding Your Focus & Finding Your Keys (New Harbinger Publications, 2013) about life with ADHD is now available.


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APA Reference
Kessler, Z. (2015). ADHD Fog: A Confession. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 24, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-zoe/2015/07/adhd-fog-a-confession/

 

Last updated: 22 Jul 2015
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Jul 2015
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.