ADHD: not always flying on all cylinders!

ADHD: not always flying on all cylinders!

Last night, I hosted another Psych Central webinar with special guest, Melissa Orlov, relationship consultant and author, The ADHD Effect on Marriage.

You’re gonna love this: Melissa had to remind me to start the presentation!

I’d gotten all distracted trying to figure out a feature of the software (which is new to me; try having massive ADHD and sitting in front of a jet control panel for the second time, fly the plane, and serve martinis all at the same time while smiling, looking sexy, and making the passengers feel comfortable and you’ll have a remote idea of how I was feeling), and here I was droning on and on (live) about the Question & Answer module…

…when Melissa very gently said (during a rare pause): “Zoë, are you going to make a presentation?!”

Huh? Oh yeah…

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…

And by the way, the webinar topic? Appreciating the Gifts of Your non-ADHD Partner! (and vice versa)

To her credit, Melissa and I had a good laugh over it this morning.

Why do we mostly dwell on the negative?

But to be serious, isn’t it funny that we’re so fixated on the negatives of ADHD we rarely take the time to celebrate the good stuff? I mean, I’m not one of those, ADHD’s gifts make me practically an Action Hero/Goddess” types, or, “My ADHD makes me part of the next wave in human evolution” proponents (not that I’m poo-pooing that theory, I just don’t focus on it. I’m too busy trying to make my life work!).

Au contraire. During the webinar, I actually said that at times I’ve been in such awe of my non-ADHD friends’ ability to prioritize, think in a linear fashion, and accomplish something from A to Z without breaking a sweat that it’s practically God-like to me. I just can’t fathom being able to do that without even thinking about it. And they take these immortal abilities for granted! Woah!

Yes, I’m being tongue-in-cheek…

But just a little.

After all, sometimes I struggle with the simplest of things. But the point of last night’s webinar was to celebrate the differences that bring happiness and joy to our partners. And so we did.

I admit that I did suggest (again, a little tongue-in-cheek), that I felt that the partner without ADHD is at an advantage. As one ex so aptly put it when I told him (trepidatiously) that I have ADHD: “At least you come with a manual!”

True enough. So where’s my manual for understanding the non-ADHD brain? Melissa and others can read how the world looks to me, but where’s the book about how the day looks to a person without ADHD? What are they thinking of? That’s what I want to know! (I asked Melissa to write THAT book. I’m sure she’s getting on that today). It would be a sort of ADHD-equivalent to Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (by John Gray).

But back to focusing on the positive

Last night was fun. I hope the participants had as much fun as we (the presenters) did.

Melissa shared a few of the positive comments (with permission, of course) from some of the couples she’s counseled about what they appreciated about their partners. It was uplifting and encouraging.

As a person with ADHD who has struggled with romantic relationships, it was nice to get some positive input from Melissa and others.

A suggestion

So, here’s a suggestion: this weekend, even if you’re in the midst of conflict – or maybe especially if you are – why not try to find (or to remember) something you love about your partner and tell them? Or, if you’re flying solo, look in the mirror and give yourself a heartfelt compliment!

P.S. – Audio of last night’s webinar, Finding the Gifts of an ADHD/Non-ADHD Partnership, will be posted some time this weekend.


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