Home » Blogs » ADHD from A to Zoë » He Said / She Said: Examining the ADHD Life – Blogchat #1, Part II

He Said / She Said: Examining the ADHD Life – Blogchat #1, Part II

© Jeff Siegel, 2010
© Jeff Siegel, 2010

Disclaimer: Although the He Said / She Said series is a collaborative effort between Zoë Kessler and Jeff  Siegel, each author speaks for her or himself and the opinions expressed are solely those of the respective authors, in both the He Said / She Said series, as well as in their respective blogs [ADHD from A to Zoë and Jeff’s A.D.D. Mind]

If you missed our Introduction to He Said / She Said, check it out HERE.
For Blogchat #1, Part I, click HERE.

Recap: In Part I of our Blogchat, Jeff & I talked about an ADHDer’s creativity cycles, Jeff’s discovery of his ADHD, the problems of communication and lack of self-awareness, optimism versus pessimism and, aw, for Pete’s sake…just read it now!

Hey! Welcome back from reading Part I. Here’s Part II.

Blogchat #1, Part II
Tuesday, June 22, 2010

9:24pm [after a short break, but longer than planned…we both have ADHD, you know! lol]

Zoë    Jeff, I want to revisit the idea of “putting it all out there….” I mean, is online good enough?

Satisfying? I want to be integrated, honest, not leading a double life. Obviously, I say more here [for], (that’s my job and privilege)  and I’ve found my “people,” but I want my family, friends, co-workers and strangers to know too – that’s how the world changes… eventually.

“No ADHDer is an island”

What’s your take on this?

9:26pm Jeff    I think I follow you here, but, let me know if I’m understanding you.

Living the double-life (half online…half offline) is, well, inauthentic…not holistic. It is a schizophrenic existence in the sense of being split into pieces. How am I doing so far?

9:28pm Zoë    Keep going…Although I’d be careful about the word, “Schizophrenic,” which is a very specific term, especially on Psych Central…but you defined it as you mean it…

9:29pm Jeff  Well…this is what I’m grappling with. Since I’ve decided to come out of the ADHD closet (I have a post on this). I’ve felt like a new human being. I feel good about going with my natural rhythm, my natural flow. And, well, there’s this whole other part of me – I’ll call it the “sensual” part – that has been bottled up for years. Only a fellow ADHDer would really know, really understand that part of me…and I don’t know what to do about it.

9:30pm Zoë    Tell me about that.

9:30pm Jeff    I’m getting a bit nervous….bear with me.

9:31pm Zoë    What is it about the “sensual” part you feel you can’t share?

9:31pm Jeff    It’s a double-edged sword. I could spend all day touching and kissing …when I was a teenager I used to do that [hug & kiss, show physical affection]. And maybe it’s the teenager that wants to come out again.  (boy…I’ve never told anyone this…maybe not suitable for the public)

9:37pm Zoë    I have to say, what you describe is amazing. I’ve been focused on ADHD and menopause, women’s issues, and now I wonder, does men’s ADHD get mixed up with a mid-life crisis? I thought WE [women] were the only ones with these kinds of issues! (not to diminish what you’re telling me, I’m just throwing that thought out there)…

Is it safe to let that sensuality out online but not in your “real life?” Am I way off track here?

9:38pm Jeff    No…you are not off track…

There are other emotions, too…um…do you get weepy? I can’t believe how many things will make my eyes well up with tears. It’s embarrassing at times.

9:48pm Zoë    I used to, my whole life actually. It only changed when I made a commitment to live my life with NO compromises, well, fewer compromises than ever before… It’s amazing.

9:50pm Jeff    What made you suspect you were ADHD?

9:51pm Zoë     I didn’t! (duh) It took a very out ADD friend to point it out to me. We were having dinner and he was (again) talking about having ADD and he suddenly said, “So Zoë, I think you might want to look into this for yourself.” I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. He was diagnosed as a child. He cajoled me into going online to…

9:53pm Jeff    My blog?

9:53pm Zoë    …take a quiz, and I lucked out and found the bona fide APA one, and I scored big time. I mean, when I told him my score he laughed and said, “We’re going to make you president of the club” I told him to f*ck off.

What about your blog?

9:53pm Jeff    “He cajoled me into going online to”…my blog. (sorry…minor joke)

9:54pm Zoë    You’re such an egotist! Lol

9:54pm Jeff    Egotist…synonym for ADHDer.

9:54pm Zoë    Yes, indeedy! Egotists R Us!

9:54pm Jeff    Absolutely!!

9:55pm Zoë    Well, I think I should get some down time now. Or write my GARDENING post for tomorrow. Looking forward to YOUR gardening post, my friend.

10:00pm Jeff    Gardening post will be live after midnight.

10:00pm Zoë    I won’t. lol  Nighty-night then!

10:01pm Jeff    Me neither. Hasta la vista, baby!

10:01pm Zoë    And THANK YOU so much for this…it was amazing, wasn’t it?

10:01pm Jeff    It was GREAT!!

He Said / She Said: Examining the ADHD Life – Blogchat #1, Part II

Zoë Kessler, BA, B.Ed.

Zoë Kessler is an award-winning author, journalist, and speaker specializing in women and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD / ADD).

A frequent contributor to ADDitude Magazine, Kessler has also created video, standup comedy, and guest blogs on ADHD and Marriage covering ADHD-related topics.

Zoë, an internationally recognized ADHD expert, has been interviewed on radio and featured in magazine articles, documentaries, and books on the topic of women and ADHD across North America.

Her newly-released memoir ADHD According to Zoë - The Real Deal on relationships, Finding Your Focus & Finding Your Keys (New Harbinger Publications, 2013) about life with ADHD is now available.

7 comments: View Comments / Leave a Comment



APA Reference
Kessler, Z. (2010). He Said / She Said: Examining the ADHD Life – Blogchat #1, Part II. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 20, 2019, from


Last updated: 30 Jun 2010
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network ( prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on All rights reserved.