Disclaimer: Although the He Said / She Said series is a collaborative effort between Zoë Kessler and Jeff Siegel, each author speaks for her or himself and the opinions expressed are solely those of the respective authors, in both the He Said / She Said series, as well as in their respective blogs [ADHD from A to Zoë and Jeff’s A.D.D. Mind]
Recap: In Part I of our Blogchat, Jeff & I talked about an ADHDer’s creativity cycles, Jeff’s discovery of his ADHD, the problems of communication and lack of self-awareness, optimism versus pessimism and, aw, for Pete’s sake…just read it now!
Hey! Welcome back from reading Part I. Here’s Part II.
Blogchat #1, Part II
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
9:24pm [after a short break, but longer than planned…we both have ADHD, you know! lol]
Zoë Jeff, I want to revisit the idea of “putting it all out there….” I mean, is online good enough?
Satisfying? I want to be integrated, honest, not leading a double life. Obviously, I say more here [for psychcentral.com], (that’s my job and privilege) and I’ve found my “people,” but I want my family, friends, co-workers and strangers to know too – that’s how the world changes… eventually.
“No ADHDer is an island”
What’s your take on this?
9:26pm Jeff I think I follow you here, but, let me know if I’m understanding you.
Living the double-life (half online…half offline) is, well, inauthentic…not holistic. It is a schizophrenic existence in the sense of being split into pieces. How am I doing so far?
9:28pm Zoë Keep going…Although I’d be careful about the word, “Schizophrenic,” which is a very specific term, especially on Psych Central…but you defined it as you mean it…
9:29pm Jeff Well…this is what I’m grappling with. Since I’ve decided to come out of the ADHD closet (I have a post on this). I’ve felt like a new human being. I feel good about going with my natural rhythm, my natural flow. And, well, there’s this whole other part of me – I’ll call it the “sensual” part – that has been bottled up for years. Only a fellow ADHDer would really know, really understand that part of me…and I don’t know what to do about it.
9:30pm Zoë Tell me about that.
9:30pm Jeff I’m getting a bit nervous….bear with me.
9:31pm Zoë What is it about the “sensual” part you feel you can’t share?
9:31pm Jeff It’s a double-edged sword. I could spend all day touching and kissing …when I was a teenager I used to do that [hug & kiss, show physical affection]. And maybe it’s the teenager that wants to come out again. (boy…I’ve never told anyone this…maybe not suitable for the public)
9:37pm Zoë I have to say, what you describe is amazing. I’ve been focused on ADHD and menopause, women’s issues, and now I wonder, does men’s ADHD get mixed up with a mid-life crisis? I thought WE [women] were the only ones with these kinds of issues! (not to diminish what you’re telling me, I’m just throwing that thought out there)…
Is it safe to let that sensuality out online but not in your “real life?” Am I way off track here?
9:38pm Jeff No…you are not off track…
There are other emotions, too…um…do you get weepy? I can’t believe how many things will make my eyes well up with tears. It’s embarrassing at times.
9:48pm Zoë I used to, my whole life actually. It only changed when I made a commitment to live my life with NO compromises, well, fewer compromises than ever before… It’s amazing.
9:50pm Jeff What made you suspect you were ADHD?
9:51pm Zoë I didn’t! (duh) It took a very out ADD friend to point it out to me. We were having dinner and he was (again) talking about having ADD and he suddenly said, “So Zoë, I think you might want to look into this for yourself.” I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. He was diagnosed as a child. He cajoled me into going online to…
9:53pm Jeff My blog?
9:53pm Zoë …take a quiz, and I lucked out and found the bona fide APA one, and I scored big time. I mean, when I told him my score he laughed and said, “We’re going to make you president of the club” I told him to f*ck off.
What about your blog?
9:53pm Jeff “He cajoled me into going online to”…my blog. (sorry…minor joke)
9:54pm Zoë You’re such an egotist! Lol
9:54pm Jeff Egotist…synonym for ADHDer.
9:54pm Zoë Yes, indeedy! Egotists R Us!
9:54pm Jeff Absolutely!!
9:55pm Zoë Well, I think I should get some down time now. Or write my GARDENING post for tomorrow. Looking forward to YOUR gardening post, my friend.
10:00pm Jeff Gardening post will be live after midnight.
10:00pm Zoë I won’t. lol Nighty-night then!
10:01pm Jeff Me neither. Hasta la vista, baby!
10:01pm Zoë And THANK YOU so much for this…it was amazing, wasn’t it?
10:01pm Jeff It was GREAT!!