10 thoughts on “With ADHD, You Can’t Always Get What You Want

  • December 26, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    I don’t understand how your ADHD has anything to do with this.. and it seems that you overuse the label. Just be you.

  • December 26, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Hey, Anonymoose, I can see where this could be a confusing post. Trust me, my ADHD is real and while I may not have “touched all the bases” on this trip round the bags, I assure you that the issues I’m talking about are affecting my ADHD symptoms in a negative way.

    You need to understand that ADHD symptoms are exacerbated by stress and that this time of year is stressful for most people, and more so for most ADHDers.

    I, unfortunately, have the additional stress, this year, of having lost my wife to suicide in July. Trust me when I tell you that my symptoms are very much out of my control.

    Additionally, my need to reduce stress and anxiety in my life has possibly also cost me my best friend this holiday season.

    My purpose in writing this post was to direct my reader’s attention to the possibility that friends and family may be able to offer support for ADHDers at this most stressful time of the year. In fact, they may know better than we do, just what we need to get us back to our stressed, messed, distressed lives, back to our regularly scheduled programming, so to speak.

    Thank you for reading the post, for commenting and for giving me the opportunity to explain myself.

    Your friend,

  • December 26, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    Thank you for this post, Kelly. To ‘anonymoose’, ADHD symptoms permeate many areas of someone’s life (often, just about all areas- especially at times of stress). It takes courage to share one’s personal journey, losses and feelings as Kelly does – and he does it with his name, not just anonymously…
    Kelly -I’m sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    • December 26, 2011 at 11:59 pm

      Thanks, Dr. Handleman, I appreciate your attention and thank you, also, for noticing that I am laying my life open here for others to see and, hopefully, learn from.

      I was a tad offended by what seemed to be a judgment of my post and possibly myself, but it occurred to me that not everyone is aware of my current circumstances. I would have preferred to be asked what my post had to do with ADHD rather than being told that it seems that I “overuse the label.” I was also offended by the intimation that I was being anything but me.

      I also appreciate you pointing out that these statements were made covertly. I hadn’t actually appreciated that fact until now.

      I don’t, however, want anyone to feel that they cannot comment unless they identify themselves. Many of you, I know, have personal issues to raise and valid anecdotes to share. If doing so with your own name attached is not something you can do, that’s okay. Please feel free to offer anything you have under any name you want to use.

      Thanks again, Dr. Handelman, you’re always welcome here,


  • December 27, 2011 at 1:30 am

    Hi Kelly,

    There are some who just can’t stand “the label” of ADHD and feel that it diminishes individuals. I guess they don’t understand that a person’s experience of ADHD is just one part of their make-up.

    Those who understand ADHD understand the poignancy of your story. And besides, I find it a very human story of loss and connection.

    Happy New Year

    • December 27, 2011 at 8:06 am

      Thanks, Gina. I’m not fond of labels either. It always upsets me when people are identified by their uniqueness, the ADHDer, the Autistic, the drunk, etc..

      I’m suppressing my dislike and labelling myself in the hope that this may increase awareness of ADHD specifically and of mental health in general.

      Thanks for reading my blog and for your comment, especially during this busy time of the year.


  • December 27, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    Kelly….I’m so glad that your first Christmas without your wife was supported so lovingly by your family. They sound like wonderful people. This is the time of year when we (especially those of us dealing with loss)can become focused on being lonely instead of all that we do have. My own experience has been that as the years go by, my emotional suffering becomes less, as new people connect with me and start to fill the void that was left in my heart. That is not to say that people can be replaced, but I do think about “things” less and less as time goes on. Each Christmas and holiday are less painful than the one before, particularly when the special people in my life make an effort to spend time with me. My pet dog has been invaluable as a source of warmth and comfort, totally unfailing in his devotion. This was particularly meaningful this Christmas, as I was unexpectedly completely alone. Carry on, brave one…you are surrounded.

    • December 27, 2011 at 3:05 pm

      Thanks, Karen. I feel surrounded; lonely, and not very brave, but surrounded and supported all the same.

      Sorry to hear you were completely alone, I know I would not have survived that.

      Thanks for reading my post and thanks for the comment,

  • December 27, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Your family sounds like it came through for you – that’s wonderful. Having spent too much time alone over the past few years, the comment about driving home alone is what reverberated for me. There’s nothing programmed, penciled in or waiting behind the door, except loneliness. I have to make sure that I keep myself physically warm at these times – somehow – in the winter – being cold makes me feel “cold.” –
    The only real problem with labels is that some folks think that if they have a label, they know all there is to know .. but if you didn’t use them as a shortcut, it would be really difficult to talk about the conditions that affect us –

    • December 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm


      I know what you mean about being cold. I’m always turning up the thermostat (it keeps turning itself down) and looking for my slippers. This never happened before, I was always to warm. There is a coldness to being left behind that certainly does seem to manifest itself physically.

      Thanks for keeping an open mind about the labels, it is not my intention to offend. I try not to say ADHDer and ADDer too often. But sometimes I need to be able to describe us in an informal manner that just can’t be accomplished by saying “persons with ADHD.”

      Thanks for reading and for commenting, Cheryl,


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