6 thoughts on “Grief, Anxiety, Self Awareness, Loss and ADHD: Emotional Soup

  • November 17, 2011 at 9:49 am

    I’m surprised at how you only knew you had ADHD after you were 50, but what you explain makes sense. I truly believe in the power of meditation in calming down your thoughts and increasing your concentration. I know it must be a hundred times more difficult for you, but just a minute to get a glimpse of your soul and out of misery is totally worth it. I am here to help as a doctor with a background in psychiatry and a huge belief in spirituality for healing:)

    Reply
    • November 18, 2011 at 10:14 am

      Hi Parwathy:

      Thanks for reading my post and commenting. And thanks, too, for your generosity. I will keep you in mind. I have experienced the power of meditation while walking and while doing Tai Chi. You are right that it is hard for me to meditate. I must be doing something that I can do mindlessly in order to be mindful. I can’t say with certainty that I have seen my soul, but I have glimpsed peace and I like to think that is what my soul is or at least where my soul is.

      Again, thanks Parwathy.

      Kelly

      Reply
  • November 23, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    Meditation? am sorry it is not for bipolars.Having tried it for 20 years persistently i should know.Meditation has an effect on the mind ,a mind which is otherwise normal.But for a bipolar it creates only a delusion of well being .When the mind is an instrument as in meditation the assumption is that the instrument is normal.Am sure you will agree that it is not so for bipolars! Watever i say one may not listen to ,try try your own way and come to my conclusion.The secret of life is to become wise with out getting old.

    Reply
  • February 22, 2018 at 2:33 am

    Hi Kelly,

    I stumbled across your blog after googling ‘ADHD and grief’. I too had a late diagnosis (47) and like you am still in the process of getting my head around it (do you ever?). I just wanted to ask advice/share an insight I had last night.

    I’ve very recently had some terrible news about my ex husband/father of my son, and I’m really struggling. The bit about the therapist being away rung a bell as mine is currently on holiday (how dare he!!). I’ve come across the term ‘flooding’ before and I suppose that’s what I’m experiencing – but mainly as rage. I’m not grieving yet (or maybe I am) as my ex is very ill, but I’m so utterly consumed with rage I can’t shift into anything else. It’s all-consuming. I’m usually pretty good at getting my head out of a bog of bad thinking, but this is different, it’s as though it’s my whole body, my mind and my emotional self carrying it around. I run, I swim, I lift very heavy weights, I drive a sports car, I listen to very very loud drum and bass, I write, I photograph stuff, I do yoga, I cook, I garden, I play with my children. All/most/some of those things usually dissipate a foul mood/negative thought pattern, but not at the moment. And I can’t cry. I just want to kick furniture mainly. So last night, in desperation, I drank quite a lot of wine. Ended up ranting at the husband, then in floods of tears (sort of my objective), I had a realisation. It wasn’t rage I was feeling, it was fear.

    I’m laughing while I write this, thinking about your analogy of the trees. I thought I was lost in a rage forest, and all the time, I was in a fear thicket, and there was a pathway out, right in front of me. The moment I had that realisation, it was as though all the bad feeling and heaviness lifted out of my shoulders and arms and vanished. I literally felt lighter.

    I’m just at the start of a long and difficult time for our family, but you are so right about knowing ourselves. I have a history of experiencing fear as anger (childhood stuff), but even though I knew that, I was so consumed by it, it blinded me to that fact. I don’t recommend drinking lots of wine in order to step away, detach and make an observation, but that’s precisely what happened. Now I understand fully why my therapist has been banging on about being afraid/avoidant of fear. It’s spectacularly unhelpful!

    Very glad I came across your blog. I’ll read your back posts. I will also check out that book as we had a suicide in our family and the impact is still sending shockwaves eight years later.

    I wish you the best coping with your grief.

    A

    Reply
  • August 28, 2019 at 4:46 pm

    Thank you. This blog is one of the extremely rare articles about grief and being diagnosed with ADD late in life. Last week I was diagnosed with severe ADD two days before my 65th birthday. Not to diminish anyone’s experience but I wish I was 40 or 50! I had no problem with the diagnosis. A lot of things about my life made sense. Total acceptance. Okay. Let’s figure out how to work with it to make a better life. All good. Yay! My forgetfulness isn’t dementia after all. But then I was deluged with grief about the goldsmithing career I loved and lost. I’ve been crying every day. I worked in prestigious stores and performed difficult work. My craftsmanship was excellent, I helped coworkers with their customers but my productivity wasn’t great. I was let go from my last job due to a corporate decision because of that. I can pinpoint the primary task that my inattentiveness hurt my productivity. I’d have to go back and redo the task and repeat the following tasks. I knew what the problem was but I didn’t know how to fix it. Had I’d known about the ADD, that this was a weak spot, I could have figured out steps to work successfully with this problem. At other times in my career I didn’t have it together enough to produce and market my own work. Coulda, woulda but no shoulda. I’m so incredibly sad. But I know I have to ride the grief out and learn as much as I can about ADD to make it work for me. I’m pretty far along in recovering from complex PTSD but I guess all this will make me stronger.

    Reply
    • August 30, 2019 at 9:12 am

      Hey, Kate,
      Glad you found some comfort in my words. I’m thrilled that you have a direction to go and the determination to head out in that direction.
      I wish you good luck on your journey,
      Thanks for the compliment,
      Kelly

      Reply
 

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