“I like having it a lot; it is who I am.” ~ Richard Bacon, Television and Radio host, talking about his ADHD.
There are days when I am happy. And in fairness, there have been more of them since my diagnosis than there were before.
The oddity for me is that when I have a good day, I don’t think about my ADHD. When I have a bad day I can often trace the lines of ADHD’s effects running through my day and, if not responsible for my day being bad, those effects have certainly exacerbated the negative aspects of the day in appreciable amounts.
So, who likes having ADHD?
In fairness, I have to say that I do. I love the way my mind jumps around, love that it comes up with some of the most entertaining thoughts, some of the most clever solutions, some of the most intricate plans and some of the best jokes.
I love that my emotions are somewhat volatile because to me that is being alive. I am aware that I have learned to let those emotions simmer under the surface and while I am experiencing them, they do not show as readily to others as they do to me, and I’m okay with that.
And I am pleased that my emotions often come out in my writing, my passion shows, my anger gets revealed, my joy can be experienced in my words.
But I never accepted ADHD as good before
If I have a good day, I attend to the positives of the day out of habit, I think about the things that I did that were enjoyable. I think about the opportunities that I was able to avail myself of. I contemplate the good parts of my life.
I never stop to consider that my distractability might have led me to some of those parts. I don’t contemplate the random thought generator that came up with the ideas that made my day great. And I do not dwell on the negatives of my ADHD that might have ruined the day if not for their ineffectiveness during that particular time.
In short, when I have a good day I don’t love my ADHD because of it.
And maybe I should?
As Richard Bacon said, it is who I am. Why would I not appreciate all of me when I have had a good day. Why am I not appreciating all of myself when I am happy with the most of my life.
People who appreciate me have told me on occasion some of the reasons for that appreciation, and on close examination, many of those things are either made more appreciable by my ADHD, or they are directly related to it.
And many of my good days are judged to be good not just because I saw them that way, but because others saw them to be good days and said as much. My self image, like the self image of anyone else, is not based solely on my own observations, it is colored by the opinions of others.
But I’ve learned to use the way I am to make my life work for me, and those who care have watched this happen, and their observations coupled with my own have made my impression of my life a good impression.
And my life is the life of a person, with ADHD.