It’s Not About Finding The Key
And no, it’s not about finding my keys. Well, maybe, sometimes, but that’s not what life with ADHD is about.
It’s about how my mind is able to create entire worlds in which I can lose myself. I can spend days there while I am on autopilot.
And on autopilot I can do things without remembering them.
Like this morning
I got out all my meds at breakfast time, three different pills, and then got thinking about … I don’t know, something, I don’t remember what.
Yeah, beats me.
I have no idea, but when I came to, or woke up I suddenly wondered where my meds were. I obviously swallowed them, they were gone, and I hadn’t moved from my seat at the island so …
How does that happen? I can’t really say, I’m not really present when it happens. But I can tell you it does.
“Checking out, Sir?”
It would seem like it isn’t really a big deal, but I have other examples.
Last winter, the snow blower at the cottage suddenly didn’t work. You’re saying, “Get it fixed.” and, fair enough, that was my plan.
But in the mean time, it’s winter and we go to the cottage most weekends if we have the opportunity to. So for the first little while I just loaded up the snowblower from home and we went to the cottage in the pickup. Inconvenient, but not the worst thing.
Then, pandemic! We started to just drop in on the cottage to check on it, blow out the drive and the path, load up and go home.
The non-functioning cottage snowblower remained in its place, waiting to be taken for repairs. This might have been considered procrastination, but it was planned procrastination. I didn’t want to come into contact with more people than I needed to and I was managing with the home blower.
Spring came, snow melted, restrictions were lifted, I could take the cottage blower to the shop for repairs, but I didn’t. Now we’re talking procrastination.
Time passed, summer arrived, the dock got put in, swimming began, serious hammock lolling ensued. Cottage life was a welcome retreat from this weird world of 2020.
Grass got cut, projects got done at the cottage, we took old cupboards from our renovated kitchen at home and installed them there.
Things were happening …
Last weekend I was in the shed at the cottage looking for … something, I don’t remember what. As I glanced from shelf to hook to cupboard to box, I came across an odd bit of red plastic hanging from a nail on a stud.
It captured my attention, my mind wanted me to stop and identify it. I focused, I concentrated, mysteries and puzzles get my attention. And it took me less than two seconds to determine that I was looking at the plastic security key for the snowblower.
Had I taken that out?
I didn’t remember taking it out, hanging it up, though it seems like something I’d do.
It needs to be in place for the snowblower to run. Had I removed it and hung it up?
And then the lights started flashing and the alarms were going off in my head.
With a shaking hand I took the key down, inserted it into the blowers key slot, and gave the cord a pull.
With the reluctance of a winter machine being asked to start in the heat of summer it hesitantly sputtered and coughed, then caught, and chugged into life.
Maybe ADHD is about finding my keys after all? But sadly, there’s no snow in July.