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Sometimes Self Aware

Curling stones
I am aware of myself sometimes …

I suffer with ADHD. It’s also called ADD sometimes, but my variety definitely has the H in it.

I also suffer from FS, I   think it’s called FS, Fibromyalgia Syndrome. Additionally I have COPD, I can never remember what that stands for but it means I don’t breathe as well as I should.

I also now apparently have heart disease or some kind of heart issue.

And there are times when all of this crap weighs me down, big time.

But

Most of the time my mind is wandering the highways and byways of its own thought trails and very rarely do I give much thought to the fact that my heart rate is wonky and my blood pressure is often jumping around, that the chronic pain in my neck and back and shoulders and all the other joints still hasn’t gone away, or that my breathing didn’t suddenly get any better just this minute.

Mostly I still get to think a million thoughts a minute about random stuff that is rarely of any import.

There are times when I am suddenly self aware and realize that, when my mind suddenly thinks, “Let’s ride bikes!” and I start out in that direction, if I actually got to the garage and dug my bicycle out of the clutter and got the door opened without being side tracked, I would be unable to last to the end of my block.

Lucky for me …

Luckily I do have ADHD and I rarely follow through on thoughts like this so it isn’t very often that I have to hang my head and admit that, though I’m as hyperactive as they come, I can’t maintain any one physically demanding activity for very long.

I do engage in sports, but they are sports of spurts of activity and lots of calculation and attempts at skill.

Curling falls into that category and is thus a great example. One throws a rock down the ice by sliding out with it towards the line of delivery and then puts a curl on the rock with a twist of the handle in order to attempt to make it arc in the right direction and hopefully land where it should. Then you sit back while someone else does the same thing.

That’s it?

Nope, you throw two rocks while one of your opponents throws two rocks and then the rest of your team takes turns doing the same thing with the rest of the other team and you either sweep or don’t in order to affect the delivery, but the point is, there’s lots of time off for recovery.

Still, the point was self awareness. When I have to sweep really hard, I feel it in my lungs and sometimes in my chest. And it is at that time that I am aware of myself, my age, the things that I’ve done to my body over the years, and the very years themselves.

But most of the time, I’m more ADHD than I am SSA, more Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder than Sometimes Self Aware.

It’s a pretty good way to live I find.

Who wants to think about what’s wrong with them all the time? But I still love curling.

Sometimes Self Aware


Kelly Babcock

I was born in the city of Toronto in 1959, but moved when I was in my fourth year of life. I was raised and educated in a rural setting, growing up in a manner I like to refer to as free range. I live on the traditional lands of the Chippewas of Nawash in an area where my family history stretches back 6 or 7 generations and my First Nations friend's families go back hundreds of generations. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 50 and have been both struggling with the new reality and using my discoveries to make my life better. I am a freelance writer and I write two blogs here at Psych Central, one about living with ADHD and one that is a daily positive affirmation that acts as an example of finding the good in as much of my life as I possibly can.

Find out more about me on my website: writeofway.

email me at ADHD Man


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APA Reference
Babcock, K. (2020). Sometimes Self Aware. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 8, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-man/2020/06/sometimes-self-aware/

 

Last updated: 17 Jun 2020
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.