Sometimes we forget to finish things. And other times we forget to stop when things are finished.
I can’t think of a single time when I was working on something and got to the end and then said, “Okay, done. What’s next?”
And that’s because one of three things always happens.
And when I say always, I mean that never in the history of Kelly J. Babcock has this ever failed to be this way.
I get to some point in doing something and the excruciating pain in my head and my heart from continuing is so overwhelming that I take a break. And never return.
There are projects and jobs and tasks in my wake that are sitting exactly as I left them hours, days, weeks, months, and even years ago. Still more of them have been quietly put away by others who would use the space or who feel my pain when I pass by these unfinished things.
It’s a hard thing to admit to. It’s difficult to accept. There are things that hurt my head and I am so thankful to step away from them. But the thing is that once I’ve put them at arm’s length, it is really hard to step back into the sphere of that task and pick it up again.
The mind with ADHD can embellish and dramatize those things that cause us pain to the point where they appear to be huge and fearsome foes and adversaries, and it takes a lot of will power to put those things into the second group, once they are in the first group.
There are things that I cannot do comfortably and do not enjoy, and they are painful and emotionally draining for me because of my ADHD. I try very hard to put this problem aside and keep moving forward, but there is the fact that I am also looking out for shortcuts and will take them.
Sometimes I will accept a less than optimal conclusion and accept responsibility for the outcome if it gets me out of what doing something I hate.
So when I reach the end, or more likely a point where I can convince myself that it’s okay to call this the end, I’ll slam that book shut, pack up those tools and throw myself into the escape pod without looking back.
Also, without looking to see if the next thing I’m supposed to be doing is a continuation of this last thing.
Nope. Done. Finished! I’M GONE!
There are things I love doing. I enjoy them very much. When I have a job like that to do, there’s no problems with bailing or cutting corners.
In fact, I’m likely to just keep working at it and working at it.
And when it’s finished, I’ll still be working at it. Continuing to check to make sure there’s nothing else I can do with it. I’ll find little things to tweak and then I’ll see if those tweaks would be applicable to other parts of the job.
And despite any other jobs I might have ahead of me, and especially if those other jobs are ones that my ADHD brain is hating to consider, I will drag this out as long as I can.
And then I’ll still work on it some more.
Wioth ADHD, there’s no finish line to clear that I can’t ignore it in one way or another.