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My Inner Introvert


A pair of docks and one to spare ...
A paradox and a half …

I am aware that ADHD is a dichotomous disorder.

We’ve discussed this before, inattentive and yet able to hyper-focus, passionate and yet able to forget about the people and things we are passionate about when distracted, always busy doing and yet always putting things off ’til the last minute.

And over the years I’ve written about a few other things that fall under the heading of ADHD paradoxes.

So here’s one more for you to add to the list.

I have mentioned …

If you are a regular reader here you might recall my having mentioned that although I am hyperactive, loud, always on, I am indeed somewhat of an introvert.

The show is often meant to distract people’s attention away from the real me.

Okay, originally it was to try and garner acceptance, but the fact that people never really got me and often never really saw the me I knew I was, led to the act I put on being used to hide the me that seemed unacceptable to the general population.

So I …

I often find myself on stage performing. I’m called on occasionally to be a master of ceremonies for shows and performances.

And I appear to revel in these activities. Hell, I actually do.

As someone with ADHD I’ve found it is something I can do that is accepted by the general population, who among us isn’t looking for that kind of acceptance?

Right now

Yesterday I took a little poke of fun at being isolated and missing being critiqued and judged by that same group of people, the neuro-typicals. I asked for someone to maybe stop at the end of my driveway and be all judgemental like, just to make me feel normal.

Yes, I was joking … mostly. I mean, these are weird times and it feels like reality has been skewed in all directions. We have fallen into the matrix, or out of it, whatever.

And these times are now times where we here in my house are spending our days figuring out how to order in groceries and other needed items. We’re figuring out online banking. We’re struggling to find our way in this new reality.

We’re learning where the cliff edges are and where the roots in the pathway might trip us up.

But there’s this …

I have realized that I am feeling a bit more comfortable here in my home than I was out in the real world.

… well aware of the real me already, and still seems fond of …

I’m still a keyboard warrior with an agenda that some folks don’t like or approve of, an opinionated man with a grasp of the English language and a rather dry wit that makes it difficult for me to abandon social interactions.

So

Not having to engage in real, physical contact with others is really not so bad. In fact, this whole social distancing/self isolating/home quarantining thing is appealing to my inner introvert.

I no longer need to hide, the only one I have to worry about seeing the real me is my isolation partner and she’s well aware of the real me already, and still seems fond of me despite not being able to leave the house and get a break from me.

My inner introvert is currently experiencing a calm it has never before known.

I’m at peace.

My Inner Introvert


Kelly Babcock

I was born in the city of Toronto in 1959, but moved when I was in my fourth year of life. I was raised and educated in a rural setting, growing up in a manner I like to refer to as free range. I live on the traditional lands of the Chippewas of Nawash in an area where my family history stretches back 6 or 7 generations and my First Nations friend's families go back hundreds of generations. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 50 and have been both struggling with the new reality and using my discoveries to make my life better. I am a freelance writer and I write two blogs here at Psych Central, one about living with ADHD and one that is a daily positive affirmation that acts as an example of finding the good in as much of my life as I possibly can.

Find out more about me on my website: writeofway.

email me at ADHD Man


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APA Reference
Babcock, K. (2020). My Inner Introvert. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 29, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-man/2020/04/my-inner-introvert/

 

Last updated: 15 Apr 2020
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.