Yesterday I told you about my years of practice, practice as an undiagnosed ADHDer denying the reality of my life and my world.
And noted that it was so easy for me to be able to flip from thinking I may be sick to thinking I’m fine.
Today I want to discuss a completely different aspect of “years of practice.”
Today I want to talk about how it took years for me to live in this world without feeling like I didn’t belong.
Didn’t belong anywhere!
I was unique. Or at least I felt I was unique, it’s entirely possible that, until I understood the signs and symptoms I really felt isolated because I didn’t recognize those around me who were members of my tribe.
That was isolation. And I struggled to win my freedom from that isolation. And eventually I did in fact win freedom in small doses.
By the time I was 25 I had managed to meet someone who accepted me and fall in love with them.
I must have done okay …
That person and I were married for 27 years almost to the day before she passed away. I was unusual all those years, and she accepted me for what I was.
It wasn’t until the last two or three years that we became aware that I had ADHD. She had more trouble accepting my ADHD than she did accepting me.
But, I digress
By the time I was married and working and living in this community, I was very much out of isolation.
That did not mean that I forgot what that was like. I never forgot what it was like to be shunned, ignored, belittled, marginalized for being “different.” And I never want to.
Now we are isolated again. We are kept away from others and the difference is one of information only. We know why. We know it is necessary. And we know that the hope is that this isolation will end. For everyone!
But having been in isolation for years at the beginning of my life is not making this any better or easier. In fact, it feels like it is triggering my old feelings.
How do I deal with this?
My plan is to spend my time keeping busy, appreciating my new partner, and keeping in touch with as many people as I can in acceptable ways.
Lucky for me I’m hyperactive, keeping busy isn’t really a problem, though keeping busy and focused often isn’t doable. And my partner is right here in the same boat with me, so we’re working on appreciating each other. And we have the internet, keeping in touch with people is a lot easier than it was when I was a youth.
And so, my years of practice at being isolated are about to be added to I think. Hopefully it will be weeks or maybe months and not actually … more years of practice.