Sometimes everything seems fine.
Sometimes it seems like I’ve got this life figured out, and there’s nothing on the road up ahead that should cause me any worry.
Have you been there? Do you remember times like that?
Of course, they never last.
Sometimes having ADHD is damned depressing.
When you get to the point where the feeling that everything is going smoothly strikes fear in your heart because you know you must have forgotten something or missed some sign, that’s when you know your ADHD is causing you mental health issues.
Have you ever been out with friends and been thinking that things are going very well indeed, despite the fact that you are not terribly socially competent, and then suddenly you get the idea that things are probably not going well, you just think they are because you have ADHD and you miss social cues all the time?
Or possibly worse
Same scenario, but you know damned well that things have gone off the rails and you have nothing left to lose, so you keep trying to put the train back on the tracks and everything you do makes it worse.
Is that worse? I’m not sure. Struggling and knowing that you’re trying or not struggling and thinking that everything is fine but then realizing after the fact that you bombed, and being forced to relive it over and over and over the way we do.
I’m in hiding
No, I’m not in hiding right now. But there are times when I kind of pull into my shell and shut down all my social systems and just coast along and hope that I offend no one for a while.That’s where I am today.
It’s a bit of a break. It doesn’t always work well. And there is some anxiety involved in it as well.
When I’m coasting, I’m not paying as much attention to the outside world as I might.
But I still have ADHD, so I’m still easily distracted, still impulsive, still … me, unfortunately.
So how do I get a break?
Well, coasting is still the best chance I have of getting a rest from the anxiety, and coasting when there is only a small chance of having to interact with others is even better.
But I add in an extra part, I spend my coasting time enjoying the moment and trying hard not to dwell in the future.
I know, we’re not good at that.
But every time I find myself worrying, I consciously return my attention to what is happening right now.
And right now …
I’m here in my office, alone in my home, writing, mostly for people who understand what I have going on in my life, or they at least understand how life works for people with ADHD.
Or they read these posts because they want to know how life works for the fifteen percent of the population that has ADHD.
And I’m happy to help with that.