We just had an election in Canada. It is so fresh you can still feel the heat coming off the oven it was baked in. You can smell it in the air as you walk in the front door of our country.
And the results were very favorable as far as I’m concerned.
I, was not elected.
Oh believe me, I did my share of kissing babies and shaking hands. And I talked of all manner of financial and social aspects of government.
It’s totally true!
I could be found on any given day reeling out statistics on how effective the Gross Domestic Product was in keeping the wolf from the door, provided it did not fall below 10 nor rise above 137. And I had numbers like 27 percent and 15 miles per hour right there on the tip of my tongue should anyone ask a question of me.
And my answers were often short and succinct when called for.
A perfect example was when one lobbyist asked me if I thought an increase in fundamentals being taught in business and typing classes would have a positive effect on healthcare in the long term and I replied, “Exactly!” without giving it more than a half second’s thought.
Still, I was not elected.
I made it clear to any that would listen, that I had a firm grasp on the political landscape and could roll it up tight and hold on to it with one hand while with the other I could run this riding, or even the country if the need arose and I was called on to do so.
I left no doubt in anyone’s mind, I am certain, that the person for the job was me.
In debates, for instance …
I waxed eloquently on the need for clean sheets on hospital beds, the veracity of mathematics in education, the efficacy of taxing the wealthy into the ground, the indecency of naked first responders on the job, and the need for more dental hygiene in public phone booths.
There could be no doubt, even if you disagreed with me, that I was knowledgeable and informed, and could be counted on to speak to any issue that might arise.
I received not a single vote. I’ve checked with Elections Canada and they have verified that my name did not appear on a single ballot. It was not printed there, nor did anyone, to their understanding, take it upon themselves to write my name in.
And this has me somewhat confused, though I must admit that I did not register as a candidate.
When the time to register was upon us, you see, all the good parties were already taken. The Regressive Deservatives, The New Libelarians, The Blue Sky party, every one of them had representation already.
And so I resolved to run as an independent.
But, as I was about to head out to register, several friends noted that the weather was perfect for not going out and playing video games instead.
So I resolved to let the people choose me in the natural way of realizing they needed me in office.
Perhaps they’re saving me for when they really need saving. That must be it.