Have you heard that song? It was a big hit in the mid eighties for Matthew Wilder, and it spoke to me back then, but more so because it reminded me of my late wife’s office assistant at the time than because it had anything to do with me.
Break My Stride as written by Matthew Wilder and Gregory Prestopino and it begins with the words, “Last night I had the strangest dream.” And those words could be used to describe my life, not my dreams.
Yep, my life, though seemingly normal to me in the moment at any given time, when viewed retrospectively, is really quite strange.
And this blog is all about the strangeness. But this post is about the oddity I call hyper-momentum.
Have I mentioned how busy I’ve been lately? So many things, so much work, so many distractions on top of that.
And now I’m finally almost caught up.
Time to slow down?
Well, maybe … ??!? But here’s a little thing that is giving me some trouble.
Now that I’m “almost caught up,” I’m feeling a little more relaxed in the area of stress.
But I’m not physically relaxed. Battered, beaten, bruised, but not really relaxed.
“Nobody gonna slow me down”
I am steadily moving towards finishing stuff, but at the same time the lack of stress is allowing me to broaden my view of the world around me and take in opportunities, things to do, you know, little things, little extras, like run the headphones upstairs to the office, and set the paddling gear out in the garage and make a list of things to do to make this task or that job easier.
Good, right? But I still have my normal things to do. And they need to get done or I fall behind.
So while I’m getting more done, maybe, I’m also falling behind again on things that need to be done.
“I got to keep on moving”
I’ve been going so fast these last ten days or so that I am just flying through my life now and zooming right past things that I’m supposed to do while I add more things to my work load.
I know I’ll get all the stuff done, eventually. But I can’t seem to slow my mind down. And as soon as I get up to do something I know I’ll do eight things that weren’t on the list along with that thing. And sometimes I’ll do nine things that weren’t on the list INSTEAD of the thing I got up to do, and I’ll sit back down at my desk and either go on with my work or realize that I can’t because my work was dependent on the thing I didn’t get done.
“I’m running and I won’t touch ground”
I know I’ve got to come down sooner or later.
Eventually my hyper state will lose its inertia, but right now if I’m not moving or working I feel like something’s wrong. The wrong that I feel when I think I’ve forgotten something, or the wrong that I feel when I know I’m screwing something up and I can’t help it even though I know I’m doing it.
When I was a young teen I was driving my parents car slowly, about ten miles an hour on an icy road. The car started to drift sideways, steering, brakes, clutch and gas were all useless, the car didn’t respond.
I was going so slow that it felt like I could get out, grab the car and swing it around, but I just sat there, pumping the brakes, trying to turn the wheel.
The car drifted into the back of my friends car. The impact was nothing, a cracked tail light and a scuffed bumper.
But the feeling of helplessness at the effects of momentum were sickening. And they still are now.